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TV Bigshot: TWoP Staff Picks

by admin September 17, 2007
TV Bigshot: TWoP Staff Picks

Network owner: Sars
Network name: Suckelodeon

Formerly known as "Sars's All-Hate Slate," my TV Big Shot network is...all shows I hate. Fortunately for my game-play prospects, these shows either get pretty good ratings already, or promise to perform well once they debut, because America loves them, or seems likely to love them.

I do not love them. I hate them.

CSI: Miami. I hope I don't have to explain my loathing of this program, but just in case: it's that cocky, pocky motherfucker Horatio Caine. Listen up, Red: you do not need both hands to put on your goddamned sunglasses, and you do not need to take a pregnant pause while doing so every time. What I can't explain is why so many people seem to watch it each week. Maybe it's because of the myriad drinking games it can inspire. Yes, I'm sure that's it.

Two and a Half Men. Persistently, thoroughly mediocre; rewarded for said mediocrity -- and, presumably, for biweekly contributions to The Carlos Estévez Hooker Fund -- with multiple Emmy nominations. The show isn't funny, the kid isn't cute, hate hate hate.

Back To You. A cynical attempt to bundle Frasier and Everybody Loves Raymond's respective audience goodwills, B2U looks like a P.O.S., and not everyone loves Patricia Heaton -- certainly not as much as we loved Night Court, off of which the entire harassy dynamic of this sit-"com" appears to have been ripped. Hate.

Private Practice. Along with the show from whose head it sprang fully armed, PP is the most overhyped show of the new season, and I might have considered checking it out -- it stars a lot of actors I like, plus it has a restful lack of Ellen Pompeo to recommend it -- but I simply cannot deal with anything Grey's-related anymore. Chokegate, the Emmys, the word "McDreamy," Kate Walsh's formidable teeth...over it. Sick of it. Hate it. It's going to do land-office business, though, which is nice.

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TV Bigshot: TWoP Staff Picks

by admin September 17, 2007
TV Bigshot: TWoP Staff Picks

Network owner: Sars
Network name: Suckelodeon

Formerly known as "Sars's All-Hate Slate," my TV Big Shot network is...all shows I hate. Fortunately for my game-play prospects, these shows either get pretty good ratings already, or promise to perform well once they debut, because America loves them, or seems likely to love them.

I do not love them. I hate them.

CSI: Miami. I hope I don't have to explain my loathing of this program, but just in case: it's that cocky, pocky motherfucker Horatio Caine. Listen up, Red: you do not need both hands to put on your goddamned sunglasses, and you do not need to take a pregnant pause while doing so every time. What I can't explain is why so many people seem to watch it each week. Maybe it's because of the myriad drinking games it can inspire. Yes, I'm sure that's it.

Two and a Half Men. Persistently, thoroughly mediocre; rewarded for said mediocrity -- and, presumably, for biweekly contributions to The Carlos Estévez Hooker Fund -- with multiple Emmy nominations. The show isn't funny, the kid isn't cute, hate hate hate.

Back To You. A cynical attempt to bundle Frasier and Everybody Loves Raymond's respective audience goodwills, B2U looks like a P.O.S., and not everyone loves Patricia Heaton -- certainly not as much as we loved Night Court, off of which the entire harassy dynamic of this sit-"com" appears to have been ripped. Hate.

Private Practice. Along with the show from whose head it sprang fully armed, PP is the most overhyped show of the new season, and I might have considered checking it out -- it stars a lot of actors I like, plus it has a restful lack of Ellen Pompeo to recommend it -- but I simply cannot deal with anything Grey's-related anymore. Chokegate, the Emmys, the word "McDreamy," Kate Walsh's formidable teeth...over it. Sick of it. Hate it. It's going to do land-office business, though, which is nice.

Previous 1 2 3 4 5 6 7 8 9 10Next

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