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TWoP Staff Special Achievement Awards

Episode Report Card
The TWoP Staff: A+ | Grade It Now!
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TWoP Staff Special Achievement Awards

Rob Morrow, we're not sure why you're so dang proud of your forearms, of all body parts. We just know you are because you insist upon rolling your sleeves up past your elbows in every episode of Numb3rs. Just buy short-sleeved shirts, ass. No one cares to see that much of your wrists. -- Wing Chun

The "And While We've Got You Here, Go Up A Jeans Size" Award
Rob Morrow, we did not care to know that you dress left. Now we do know, and we cannot un-know it. Put it away, Package Von Twigandberries, damn. -- Sars

The "Nepotism Only Goes So Far" Award
Oliver Hudson, you saw your sister Kate riding your mom Goldie Hawn's reputation to a moderately successful career and figured you wanted a piece too, right? Nice try. After The Mountain, your smirking, fugly ass is done. Forked. Finito. Go learn a trade and hope your mom invested wisely over the years, mmkay? -- Couch Baron

The "Hopefully, This Opportunity Only Surfaces Once" Award
Rarely does "bears an uncanny resemblance to the mistress of a man who was convicted of killing his pregnant wife" work in someone's favor, but Janel Moloney managed to parlay her similarity to Amber Frey into a star turn in one of the year's best inadvertent comedies, Witness for the Prosecution: The Amber Frey Story. Tens of viewers across America watched her sail through a telepic clearly designed not to depict its title character as anything but the most nicest, most prettiest, most friendliest, most trusting-est, most smartest, most morally upstanding Other Woman to ever come out of Fresno, California. Please don't let there be a sequel. -- Sobell

The "If Trans-Species Love Is wrong, He Doesn't Want To Be Right" Award
Although much about the most recent season of CSI will haunt us for months to come, the scene that's prompted many of the nightmares is that in which Gil Grissom breathily implores, ""Keep coming...show me what you're made of" to a bunch of ants. And suddenly, the reason the S.S. Geek Love foundered on the shoals is that much clearer. -- Sobell

The Women In Refrigerators Award
Not that CSI doesn't kill people of all genders with impunity, but this season was pretty heavy on the lady victims dying in horrible ways for stupid reasons: appearance-obsessed matrons who drink their own pee, adulterous women killed by jealous stepdaughters, serial killers raping people with soft-drink bottles prior to killing them, mail-order brides stuffed in suitcases...the list goes on. We're awaiting the appearance of an actual woman-in-refrigerator victim next season. -- Sobell

The "Perhaps You Would Be Happier on Nip/Tuck" Award

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Mondo Extra

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Mondo Extra
TWoP Staff Special Achievement Awards

Episode Report Card
Grade It Now!
YOU GRADE IT
TWoP Staff Special Achievement Awards

Rob Morrow, we're not sure why you're so dang proud of your forearms, of all body parts. We just know you are because you insist upon rolling your sleeves up past your elbows in every episode of Numb3rs. Just buy short-sleeved shirts, ass. No one cares to see that much of your wrists. -- Wing Chun

The "And While We've Got You Here, Go Up A Jeans Size" Award
Rob Morrow, we did not care to know that you dress left. Now we do know, and we cannot un-know it. Put it away, Package Von Twigandberries, damn. -- Sars

The "Nepotism Only Goes So Far" Award
Oliver Hudson, you saw your sister Kate riding your mom Goldie Hawn's reputation to a moderately successful career and figured you wanted a piece too, right? Nice try. After The Mountain, your smirking, fugly ass is done. Forked. Finito. Go learn a trade and hope your mom invested wisely over the years, mmkay? -- Couch Baron

The "Hopefully, This Opportunity Only Surfaces Once" Award
Rarely does "bears an uncanny resemblance to the mistress of a man who was convicted of killing his pregnant wife" work in someone's favor, but Janel Moloney managed to parlay her similarity to Amber Frey into a star turn in one of the year's best inadvertent comedies, Witness for the Prosecution: The Amber Frey Story. Tens of viewers across America watched her sail through a telepic clearly designed not to depict its title character as anything but the most nicest, most prettiest, most friendliest, most trusting-est, most smartest, most morally upstanding Other Woman to ever come out of Fresno, California. Please don't let there be a sequel. -- Sobell

The "If Trans-Species Love Is wrong, He Doesn't Want To Be Right" Award
Although much about the most recent season of CSI will haunt us for months to come, the scene that's prompted many of the nightmares is that in which Gil Grissom breathily implores, ""Keep coming...show me what you're made of" to a bunch of ants. And suddenly, the reason the S.S. Geek Love foundered on the shoals is that much clearer. -- Sobell

The Women In Refrigerators Award
Not that CSI doesn't kill people of all genders with impunity, but this season was pretty heavy on the lady victims dying in horrible ways for stupid reasons: appearance-obsessed matrons who drink their own pee, adulterous women killed by jealous stepdaughters, serial killers raping people with soft-drink bottles prior to killing them, mail-order brides stuffed in suitcases...the list goes on. We're awaiting the appearance of an actual woman-in-refrigerator victim next season. -- Sobell

The "Perhaps You Would Be Happier on Nip/Tuck" Award

Previous 1 2 3 4 5 6 7 8 9 10Next

Mondo Extra

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