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TWoP Staff Special Achievement Awards

Episode Report Card
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TWoP Staff Special Achievement Awards

Even if you think reality shows are the current scourge of quality television, you still have to admit that, were it not for the huge lead-in audience of American Idol, an excellent show like House would have been cancelled before the end of its first season. -- Sara M

Best Argument Against the Existence of Music Award
Surprisingly, American Idol does not win this year, as 7th Heaven decided to celebrate Valentine's Day with a musical episode. -- Sara M

The "Always Look On The Bright Side Of Life" Award
Some people were ready enough for Enterprise to be a thing of the past rather than the future, but the millions of dollars raised by fans in efforts to save the show demonstrates that that feeling certainly wasn't universal. But while there are Trek fans rabid enough even to like Quantum's assholery and furrowing, there's one small comfort for them: They will never again have to hear the worst theme song in the history of time. If the Trek franchise ever produces another offering, hopefully they'll have learned this lesson: Words are bad, but a brass section is good. -- Couch Baron

Reality Show Star In Most Desperate Need Of A Bitch-Slap That Would Knock Him Flat On His Ass, Preferably Into The Path Of A Tahoe With No Brakes
You think this award is going to The Amazing Race's Jonathan -- and while he is loathsome, don't get us wrong, we're actually talking about Gabe. You know, Gabe? The gambling addict from the second episode of Intervention? Gabe was a frosted blond who, judging by his voice, hadn't quite made it through puberty. He had, however, made it through college in record time and enjoyed a brief celebrity for a science teaching method involving rap. Getting covered on local news apparently made him think it was time to quit his college teaching job to pursue other opportunities, which amounted to a (failed) appearance on Greed and, from there, a downward spiral into gambling -- which, since he was such a genius, you'd thnk he'd be good at. Only, he sucked. Gabe went $500,000 into debt, and even after his parents had sold their house to bail him out, he continued losing money, telling Intervention's cameras that he believed it was a parent's job to fix any mistakes her children made, even when said children are in their thirties -- which is a handy position for him to hold, seeing as how it absolves him of all responsibility. The events leading up to Gabe's intervention included his losing thousands of dollars at blackjack and basically carjacking his mother when she fails to promise him more money. At the intervention itself, Gabe whines like a bitch and attempts to force his parents to give him even more money to pay his debts before he'll agree to go to rehab for his gambling addiction. Certainly, Gabe's parents bear some blame for turning their son into such a hateful waste of human potential -- and a whiny bitch besides -- but they're not the ones who drove his oblivious ass to the casino. Go die, Gabe. -- Wing Chun

The "No Wonder There's No Cure For Cancer" Award

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Mondo Extra

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Mondo Extra
TWoP Staff Special Achievement Awards

Episode Report Card
Grade It Now!
YOU GRADE IT
TWoP Staff Special Achievement Awards

Even if you think reality shows are the current scourge of quality television, you still have to admit that, were it not for the huge lead-in audience of American Idol, an excellent show like House would have been cancelled before the end of its first season. -- Sara M

Best Argument Against the Existence of Music Award
Surprisingly, American Idol does not win this year, as 7th Heaven decided to celebrate Valentine's Day with a musical episode. -- Sara M

The "Always Look On The Bright Side Of Life" Award
Some people were ready enough for Enterprise to be a thing of the past rather than the future, but the millions of dollars raised by fans in efforts to save the show demonstrates that that feeling certainly wasn't universal. But while there are Trek fans rabid enough even to like Quantum's assholery and furrowing, there's one small comfort for them: They will never again have to hear the worst theme song in the history of time. If the Trek franchise ever produces another offering, hopefully they'll have learned this lesson: Words are bad, but a brass section is good. -- Couch Baron

Reality Show Star In Most Desperate Need Of A Bitch-Slap That Would Knock Him Flat On His Ass, Preferably Into The Path Of A Tahoe With No Brakes
You think this award is going to The Amazing Race's Jonathan -- and while he is loathsome, don't get us wrong, we're actually talking about Gabe. You know, Gabe? The gambling addict from the second episode of Intervention? Gabe was a frosted blond who, judging by his voice, hadn't quite made it through puberty. He had, however, made it through college in record time and enjoyed a brief celebrity for a science teaching method involving rap. Getting covered on local news apparently made him think it was time to quit his college teaching job to pursue other opportunities, which amounted to a (failed) appearance on Greed and, from there, a downward spiral into gambling -- which, since he was such a genius, you'd thnk he'd be good at. Only, he sucked. Gabe went $500,000 into debt, and even after his parents had sold their house to bail him out, he continued losing money, telling Intervention's cameras that he believed it was a parent's job to fix any mistakes her children made, even when said children are in their thirties -- which is a handy position for him to hold, seeing as how it absolves him of all responsibility. The events leading up to Gabe's intervention included his losing thousands of dollars at blackjack and basically carjacking his mother when she fails to promise him more money. At the intervention itself, Gabe whines like a bitch and attempts to force his parents to give him even more money to pay his debts before he'll agree to go to rehab for his gambling addiction. Certainly, Gabe's parents bear some blame for turning their son into such a hateful waste of human potential -- and a whiny bitch besides -- but they're not the ones who drove his oblivious ass to the casino. Go die, Gabe. -- Wing Chun

The "No Wonder There's No Cure For Cancer" Award

Previous 1 2 3 4 5 6 7 8 9 10Next

Mondo Extra

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