MONDO EXTRAS

What It Feels Like For a Girl by Madonna

Close-up on the cop getting hit with something on his face. Mustache Cop closes his eyes as well. Close-up on the gun firing something again. The other cop gets beamed in the head. The cops stand up in unison. We have no idea what the gun was supposed to fire because the cops simply look like they've been spit on. Maybe the gun shoots straight pins. No one knows. Madonna drives off. She floors it. The cops run to their car and get in.

The old lady is sipping her drink. Madonna floors the gas again. The cops come up behind her and ram into the back of her car. How is that correct police procedure? Maybe they should have, like, done something when she ran into the parked cars or well, um, shot at them. Man, cops look smarter in most rap videos. Their air bags are instantly deployed, and their evil plan has backfired. Madonna calmly watches this and then takes off.

The yellow car keeps on rocking. Madonna swerves the steering wheel and decides to clip a white car for no apparent reason. She turns the wheel to the other side and knocks some guy off his motorcycle. She keeps going. I think Madonna has been playing too much Driver: You Are The Wheelman.

There's a late-night street-hockey game going on. Suddenly Kevin Smith is directing this, now? Madonna crashes the yellow car through the gate and onto the court. The players kind of try to skate out of the way, but they're also stunned because they're seeing Madonna, and that's almost worth dying for. Plus, why did she steal their grandma? Madonna hits the gas and slams into a couple of players as she turns the car around on the court. One guy lands on his back as she guns it through the goal, taking down the posts. Now, that's just cold. You can kill a few of them, but you don't have to ruin their game. Madonna grabs a French fry off the dash. She's just that cool. The car turns around. She eats the fry as she turns. The car drives back through the court and someone is slamming his hockey stick on her trunk in anger. She slams into someone else, before driving off the court and back onto the street.

Madonna almost hits a white car, or maybe she does but you can't tell because we go to a close-up of the emotionless old lady again, still fixated on that damned puzzle because there was so much sky, and it all looks the same, really, and maybe tonight is lasagna night? As the yellow car pulls away we see that Madonna did indeed slam into the white car. Glad that's cleared up.

Madonna is driving and smiling, pretty hair blowing in some breeze. She slams on the brakes. The old lady remains still. Madonna has stopped at a trash can. Her arm comes out the window and her hand opens all cool-like. The French fry wrapper falls into the basket. See? She cares. The problem is that Guy Ritchie's sense of comic timing is normally good but is currently being thrown off by Madonna's presence in his life and so he pauses on it way too long and removes all the funny. I mean, that is, of course, assuming that it was supposed to be funny in the first place.

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What It Feels Like For a Girl by Madonna Close-up on the cop getting hit with something on his face. Mustache Cop closes his eyes as well. Close-up on the gun firing something again. The other cop gets beamed in the head. The cops stand up in unison. We have no idea what the gun was supposed to fire because the cops simply look like they've been spit on. Maybe the gun shoots straight pins. No one knows. Madonna drives off. She floors it. The cops run to their car and get in. The old lady is sipping her drink. Madonna floors the gas again. The cops come up behind her and ram into the back of her car. How is that correct police procedure? Maybe they should have, like, done something when she ran into the parked cars or well, um, shot at them. Man, cops look smarter in most rap videos. Their air bags are instantly deployed, and their evil plan has backfired. Madonna calmly watches this and then takes off. The yellow car keeps on rocking. Madonna swerves the steering wheel and decides to clip a white car for no apparent reason. She turns the wheel to the other side and knocks some guy off his motorcycle. She keeps going. I think Madonna has been playing too much Driver: You Are The Wheelman. There's a late-night street-hockey game going on. Suddenly Kevin Smith is directing this, now? Madonna crashes the yellow car through the gate and onto the court. The players kind of try to skate out of the way, but they're also stunned because they're seeing Madonna, and that's almost worth dying for. Plus, why did she steal their grandma? Madonna hits the gas and slams into a couple of players as she turns the car around on the court. One guy lands on his back as she guns it through the goal, taking down the posts. Now, that's just cold. You can kill a few of them, but you don't have to ruin their game. Madonna grabs a French fry off the dash. She's just that cool. The car turns around. She eats the fry as she turns. The car drives back through the court and someone is slamming his hockey stick on her trunk in anger. She slams into someone else, before driving off the court and back onto the street. Madonna almost hits a white car, or maybe she does but you can't tell because we go to a close-up of the emotionless old lady again, still fixated on that damned puzzle because there was so much sky, and it all looks the same, really, and maybe tonight is lasagna night? As the yellow car pulls away we see that Madonna did indeed slam into the white car. Glad that's cleared up. Madonna is driving and smiling, pretty hair blowing in some breeze. She slams on the brakes. The old lady remains still. Madonna has stopped at a trash can. Her arm comes out the window and her hand opens all cool-like. The French fry wrapper falls into the basket. See? She cares. The problem is that Guy Ritchie's sense of comic timing is normally good but is currently being thrown off by Madonna's presence in his life and so he pauses on it way too long and removes all the funny. I mean, that is, of course, assuming that it was supposed to be funny in the first place.

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