MONDO EXTRAS

Superstars of Dance Premiere

by Angel Cohn January 5, 2009
Winter Pilot Season: Superstars of Dance

I'm trying to remain positive about this show, but the commercials I've been seeing haven't been doing it any favors. I love me some So You Think You Can Dance though and I adore Nigel Lythgoe, so I'm holding out hope that it will be better... but I've been skeptical about this since they announced it.

All teams (Argentina, Australia, China, India, Ireland, Russia, South Africa, United States of America) come out in festively colored costumes, proudly waving the flags of their home nations. It's sort of like the Olympic Opening Ceremony. Which I was OK with, until random announcer guy decided to introduce Michael Flatley as the most popular dancer on the planet, which might well be true, but it is so hyperbolic and annoying that I'm already dreading the next 119 minutes. He welcomes us and promises that it will be like nothing we've ever seen before. I'm already gasping in horror at his barely buttoned shirt and his bare chest. This is NOT a young man. My eyes don't need to see this. He says it was too big of a project to handle it alone, and he introduces his co-host Susie Castillo. She's a Miss USA, which means practically nothing to me. She comes out and welcomes us in Spanglish. "Hola. Buenas noches, everybody." Samantha Harris just moved up a notch in my estimation. Then Susie starts vacantly talking about this amazing event that is about to unfold. I'm distracted by her enormous shiny white teeth. 100 dancers. One roof. She explains the rules, which I try to pay attention to since I've been curious how this show would work out ever since they announced the previously named "Superstar Dancers of the World."

There are three separate categories. Solo. Duet. Group. After some quarterfinals and semifinals people will get eliminated. They'll crown winners in each category, then Flatley says when all is said and done the country with the best combined score will get the big prize. Oh, I hope it is a giant mirrorball!

Each country has a judge. Not-Samantha introduces them, but since none of the names ring any bells, and all they do is nod, I'm not going to write them all down. They'll be grading each performance. They can't grade their own countries. Seems fair. And then here it is, the big reveal. The countries are competing for a trophy. It's not a sparkly mirrorball. Instead, it kind of looks like a Mace or a flail, but shinier. It appears to be a big globe, with a massive pointy star on the top of it. And since I just finished reading the most recent Sookie Stackhouse book, maybe I'm a little bloodthirsty and vigilant about looking at things as potential weapons, but this one would seriously do some damage in a fight. At the very least, if the winning country ever meets up with Kristi Yamaguchi, they can take pride in the fact that their trophy could kick her little Dancing With the Stars trophy's ass.

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