United States of Tara Premiere

by Lauren Gitlin January 19, 2009
Winter Pilot Season: United States of Tara Tara closes her eyes and then opens them, her face taking on a stone-sober expression as the strains of The Eels begin to play. She peels out, sliding a pair of Wood Shop looking aviator glasses on and grabbing a pack of Marlboro Reds out of the glove box, lighting up angrily. Kate storms backstage costume in hand, greeting a friend who calls her "bitch" with a half-hearted, "Hey Skankwaffle." Not even gonna bother with that one.

Tara, or whoever the fuck this alter is, pulls into the garage and swaggers into the kitchen, ignoring Marshall, who says he's baking Muffins of Triumph (again, no) for Kate. Since all of Tara's personalities require a costume change to really hammer home the point that they're all, you know, really different, we see her changing into a leather cuff, cut-off button down shirt and jeans a la Samantha Ronson, signaling to all of us that this is the butch character or something. The camera flashes back and forth between Tara (or whoever) and Kate, both of whom are getting into their costumes and preparing to inhabit their chosen roles. Very very deep, this juxtaposition. Biker boots vs. ballet shoes. Got it?

Max comes home with a bunch of roses and asks Marshall where Mom is. Marshall snivels that he's not sure who it is, but one of the alters is upstairs. Max sighs that T's back and Marshall's like, no I think it's Buck. At that opportune moment, "Buck," ie, Tara but with a trucker hat and a cigarette dangling from her lip enters and drawls in an inexplicable hillbilly accent, "Right again, peach fuzz." Max nervously greets Buck and asks him not to smoke in the house. Buck says he only smokes when he parties and goes to the fridge to crack open a Bud -- see, because he's blue collar, get it? Max says that this isn't a party. Buck makes a crack about the muffins, grabbing some and stuffing it into "his" mouth, then spitting it out and saying it tastes "homo-made."

Max laughs it off and says they're for Katie's dance recital, which he hopes Buck's coming to. Buck declines, saying he can't even though he's dying to see what Katie's friends look like in tights -- ew and ew and ew -- because he's going shooting. Max says that he can't go shooting without him and Marshall because that's their guy thing to do together. Pan to requisite shot of all three of them at the gun range, Buck and Max shooting, while Marshall perches in his stall reading Valley Of The Dolls. In case you haven't pieced together by now that he's a big old queer.

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