Wolf Girl, while all of this "character" "development" is going on, is apparently taking the long way back to the Freak Show straight through town, since, again, she's sick of people staring at her. Luckily, this route takes her right by Beau's house, which we recognize from the trashy car outside and the horrible Roscoe dog, which is barking, annoying Wolf Girl to such an extent that she growls at it and Roscoe of course stops barking and starts whining, because she's so very animalistic and monstrous, and it's so nice to see that classic gem of dog humor pulled from the closet, where it had become dusty from disuse.
Due to his irrational fear of milkshake chemicals, Beau has taken a shower after the incident at Deb's. He runs down the stairs in a towel, and begins to sing along loudly to a song described by witnesses as "the worst crappy soft-rock ever to make me writhe in pain." Beau does a little dance before his living room mirror which seems to say, "Jacob, come here to Dirtytown, and I will use my variety of sexual organs to bring you to heights of white-trash pleasure you only previously dreamt of while watching Allan Keyser on Mama's Family." I pause the movie and immediately run to the Internet Movie Database, which tells me that Shawn Ashmore is less than a year younger than me, which is what I wanted to hear, because I am not creepy, and because I do not want to go to jail.
Wolf Girl sighs in relief at this info as well, and continues peeking through the front door window. There's more dancing, and then the towel slips, and Beau stares down at his reflected groin area for awhile as if it's just been reopened to the public after years of construction and he's forgotten what it looked like, then seems to reconcile himself with what he sees, then gets angry at his groin, then magically senses Wolf Girl at the door and screams at her to get lost while he desperately tries to cover himself. FrankenCurry makes with the heavy-handed symbolic voiceover as he introduces Grace Jones for another goddamn musical number.
Me: Dude, he's a hermaphrodite. He's got the whole Jamie Lee Curtis thing happening. The phrase "Klinefelter's Syndrome" comes to mind.
Andy: Whatever are you talking about?
FrankenCurry: "We each of us have a bit of the Other...Nature's blessing or God's cruel joke?"
Beau: I will now freak out, which involves doing a cross between calisthenics and standing here vibrating, while I stare at myself with disgust. Once that is finished, I will break the living room mirror because I cannot handle the truth.
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Okay, is there anyone in the entire world who does not have their foot firmly wedged between their two front teeth? This movie is making me doubt my own ability to be appropriate in social situations. I always hate the scene where the well-meaning but superior people accidentally hurt you worse than the evil people. That's totally 7th Heaven
Inside the "Baby Show" trailer mentioned at the beginning of the movie, Cory and Whiffer (Jackals "The Prehensile Eyebrow" and "Beau's Prison Bitch") are looking at jars full of icky fluids and deformed puppets we'll pretend are people. They are surprised when FrankenCurry speaks to them, even though he's plainly visible. He tells them that while they call it the "dime show" (so it's 1940?), the freaks themselves call it the Baby Show, because it's a collection of the freaks that didn't "make it." The ones who do come to FrankenCurry, and he teaches them to be both strong and "wily." Good job, chief, because Wolf Girl is so wile-free that she doesn't know enough to stay away from strange stalkers with erect bunnies who stare through her windows and inject her with weird substances. The Junior Jackals leave; FrankenCurry smiles. What we don't see is Cory and Whiffer going, "WTF? Why did we just film that scene?"
Krystal the Tacky Jackal walks into the Fat Lady trailer, because she loves the Show for the Freaks and not just for the opportunity to torture and attack the less fortunate. Athena looks her up and down and then gazes hungrily at Krystal's cotton candy. Dude, cotton candy is so gross. I would never look at cotton candy like that. But then, I am not yet a freak in a show. Krystal hands it over because, well, wouldn't you? Athena says, "Sweet," and then eats it in a particularly sensual and horndog way, her eyes on Krystal's the entire time. Finally Krystal breaks the spell with a whatever
hair-toss, and exits. Athena picks up her "Playgoer" magazine with the 1950s cover (it's the 1950s), which might well be a gentlemen's magazine of the pictorial type. I don't get it, unless maybe I am twigging to something about Athena (and just maybe Krystal) that I haven't already had shotput into my brain with all the well-intended and whisper-soft force of a piece of exploding gum made out of bricks.
Some freak girls think the old video for Nine Inch Nail's "Closer" is so rad that they've decided to make emulating it their personal calling, tying themselves in human knots while spinning around on turntable contraptions for a while. My, how flexible. Back to Krystal, in the Funhouse, staring at herself in the mirror, where she seems to be both shorter and wider. I guess she and Athena have something in common. Is it that they are fat? No...just then a huge anvil comes crashing out of the sky and smashes the mirror into a thousand warped pieces, which kill Krystal and this stupid subplot dead. No, she just stares and contemplates the strange web of coincidence, perception, and lesbianism that ties us all together.
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