FrankenCurry: "When boy meets girl, in all their glory, sometimes both worlds collide..."
Me: What? What does that even mean?
FrankenCurry: "You need a dong to make a ding..."
Me: These are the worst songs in the world, right? No disagreement there?
Wolf Girl: I am so intent on running away from Beau and his variety pack that even getting hit by a car will not stop my forward motion.
Andy: Okay, is he really a hermaphrodite? Are you screwing with me?
Amie: Isn't it a little late for this movie to try being about something?
Paul: Internet says he's a closet hermaphrodite. So there you go.
Me: It's all in the subtle hints. Like singing a song about hermaphrodites while he stares in horror at his own genitalia.
Andy: In all fairness, that scene was filmed so poorly that he could have Jack Palance down there and we still would've had to ask the Internet. Please don't judge me by an intern cinematographer's mistakes.
When Wolf Girl finally reaches Camp Freak, FrankenCurry is rebuked by her for excessive petting, much as Grace Jones was earlier. "I guess you're not my little girl anymore," he says, and I about lose it just thinking about Tim Curry calling anyone his "little girl." "I'm not your dog either," she rudely retorts before running off. I make a little mark next to "Sign Five: paranoia. Projecting onto others your own confusion about your species."
The Mighty Theodore by night, tossing some strongman barbells around haphazardly. Busta the Crabman walks by. Someone named Josh Foreshadowing, I believe, takes aim at a carnival shooting-gallery picture of a cartoon duck, fires a few times, then swings the gun over at a picture of a real-life wolf. Suddenly, a huge anvil crashes down from the sky, shattering the picture of the duck, and little shards of duck-colored particle board kill Josh Foreshadowing dead. The three little boys from earlier are staring at Athena the Fat Lady. She offers them "a peek" for a nickel (it's 1922). "I've never seen boobs that big," breathes the blonde one (it's 1993). And here I was worrying over being a pervert about Beau's little dance. Gross me out, Fat Lady.
Wolf Girl is doing some intense self-obsessed woolgathering at her vanity when there's knock at the door. "What?" she asks rudely, because the Freak Show are her family and the only ones who accept her as she is. Beau comes in, intoning meaningfully, "No one can know." She has to think for a second, since he's talking about something that's not all about her, and then she's like, "Uh, okay, whatever." He pulls out a gun, and everything stops for a second so that Lori Lansens can walk out in front of the screen like Alfred Hitchcock.
Me: Dude, he's a hermaphrodite. He's got the whole Jamie Lee Curtis thing happening. The phrase "Klinefelter's Syndrome" comes to mind. Andy: Whatever are you talking about? FrankenCurry: "We each of us have a bit of the Other...Nature's blessing or God's cruel joke?" Beau: I will now freak out, which involves doing a cross between calisthenics and standing here vibrating, while I stare at myself with disgust. Once that is finished, I will break the living room mirror because I cannot handle the truth.