MONDO EXTRAS

Hair of the dog

by Jacob Clifton October 27, 2001
WolfGirl

Wolf Girl approaches a dapper fellow named Christoph, and asks if he's ever wanted an operation. Just when you're thinking now, why would this attractive, thin black man get an operation? And why is he in the Freak Show anyhow? Christoph turns to reveal his better half, Christine. Not "better half" like they're married -- "better half" like there's a line down the middle of this person and one side watches Gilmore Girls and the other one doesn't. Before he/she turns, some SREs carry a mirror behind the two of them, which would have been a nice visual element about the hidden secrets of the Freak Show but is instead tilted the wrong way and just becomes one more artistic dead end.

Christoph/Christine is played by Grace Jones. Do you know what typecasting is?

Grace Jones tells Wolf Girl not to be dumb because what they need is a healthy dose of self-acceptance, not an operation to gain peer esteem. Grace Jones, it would appear, has a drinking problem. Wolf Girl looks around at all the Sexy Romanian Extras and goes to visit Athena the Fat Lady.

Me: Wow. Do you think they went around all over Canada or Romania looking for a super fat lady, like they did for Gilbert Grape?
Andy: That is the fat lady from Gilbert Grape.
Me: Oh right, because all fat people are the same. That is so damn typical.
The Internet: It's the same fat lady, J. Sorry. Darlene Cates is her name.
Andy: Say it.
Me: Go to hell, dude.
Andy: Say it.
Me: "I'm Jacob, I'm disgusting. I have to be right all the time."

The first thing Athena the Fat Lady does, unfortunately, is ask Wolf Girl to "empty her bucket." I pretend Athena is really good at nickel slots and needs to make room for jackpot. Wolf Girl says sure, like it's the coolest thing in the world to empty Athena's bucket. She then pulls Athena from a lying position to a sprawled, nearly sitting position. Wolf Girl draws a line in the freak, saying that while she and Busta Crabs and Grace Jones were all born freaky, it isn't possible that Athena was always this incredibly fat or else her mother would have exploded. Athena explains that "normal wasn't too hot." Freaks have inner demons the rest of us can only guess at, I suppose, but I don't feel up to guessing at them, especially Grace Jones's inner demons, which must be legion.

Outside, Marilyn Manson fondles Donald the Bunny, staring at Wolf Girl as she sloshes Athena's bucket into the woods, violating every camping rule ever. The camera cuts to Marilyn, whose bunny has just schwinged one ear straight up into the air. Do they edit films in Romania? Could they have used any other shot at all? There is the music of miscegenation love as Wolf Girl walks away watched by Marilyn, who's still stroking his erect bunny. Gross. Meanwhile, cute little Beau and that adorable scamp Krystal are shooting at a pumpkin-head scarecrow. Beau is a poor shot, but Krystal is a terrific shot, blowing the pumpkin into tiny little clumps of Thanksgiving cheer.

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Hair of the dog

by Jacob Clifton October 27, 2001
WolfGirl From the Jackals' stares alone, Wolf Girl has deduced that she grosses them out. Wolf Girl has been with the Freak Show since she was born, basically, yet this place Shambletown is where she all of a sudden flips out over being freaky? Witness the power of the Jackals, who need only look at their prey to wig them out of sixteen or so years of self-acceptance. Wolf Girl approaches a dapper fellow named Christoph, and asks if he's ever wanted an operation. Just when you're thinking now, why would this attractive, thin black man get an operation? And why is he in the Freak Show anyhow? Christoph turns to reveal his better half, Christine. Not "better half" like they're married -- "better half" like there's a line down the middle of this person and one side watches Gilmore Girls and the other one doesn't. Before he/she turns, some SREs carry a mirror behind the two of them, which would have been a nice visual element about the hidden secrets of the Freak Show but is instead tilted the wrong way and just becomes one more artistic dead end. Christoph/Christine is played by Grace Jones. Do you know what typecasting is? Grace Jones tells Wolf Girl not to be dumb because what they need is a healthy dose of self-acceptance, not an operation to gain peer esteem. Grace Jones, it would appear, has a drinking problem. Wolf Girl looks around at all the Sexy Romanian Extras and goes to visit Athena the Fat Lady.
Me: Wow. Do you think they went around all over Canada or Romania looking for a super fat lady, like they did for Gilbert Grape? Andy: That is the fat lady from Gilbert Grape. Me: Oh right, because all fat people are the same. That is so damn typical. The Internet: It's the same fat lady, J. Sorry. Darlene Cates is her name. Andy: Say it. Me: Go to hell, dude. Andy: Say it. Me: "I'm Jacob, I'm disgusting. I have to be right all the time."
The first thing Athena the Fat Lady does, unfortunately, is ask Wolf Girl to "empty her bucket." I pretend Athena is really good at nickel slots and needs to make room for jackpot. Wolf Girl says sure, like it's the coolest thing in the world to empty Athena's bucket. She then pulls Athena from a lying position to a sprawled, nearly sitting position. Wolf Girl draws a line in the freak, saying that while she and Busta Crabs and Grace Jones were all born freaky, it isn't possible that Athena was always this incredibly fat or else her mother would have exploded. Athena explains that "normal wasn't too hot." Freaks have inner demons the rest of us can only guess at, I suppose, but I don't feel up to guessing at them, especially Grace Jones's inner demons, which must be legion.

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