MONDO EXTRAS

Hair of the dog

by Jacob Clifton October 27, 2001
WolfGirl

Dr. Freeze tells Marilyn to stay away from the lake and the forest and generally the outdoors because she doesn't "trust that posse." Okay, Miss Kitty, what are you talking about? She's talking about this whole scene being in reverse, like just to annoy her son she's being as vague as possible, telling him nothing while treating him like he's stupid, so he has to Hercule Poirot his way into her mind. Do you still hear them, Clarice?

So of course MM asks, "What posse?" Because this is not the Wild West, she is not Marky Mark and there is no Funky Bunch, so what posse is she talking about? She's like, "The posse of farmers." He's all, "What posse of farmers?" She's like, "Remember earlier when they said 'somebody's cat got ate'? You were totally interested in the backstory there, right? So here it is: The real-life wolf has eaten Mrs. Shapiro's Siamese. Don't say I never told you anything important."

So he's all, "What does that have to do with me hanging out in the forest, because I have no friends, because I am genetically inferior in every way?" And she says, as if she really wants him to believe she loves him, even though she doesn't really, that she's scared the posse will shoot him. No word on how he is menaced every day of the week by the mean Jackal kids, who shoot guns indiscriminately at people and things, or that his only friend is an experimental and tumescent bunny named Donald, or that he has just hit puberty after seeing Wolf Girl tossing around buckets of human waste. Baby steps, Dr. Freeze. One thing at a time.

There's a bicycle riding through town, with a sign ("Come see the Freak Show!") and a creepy Victrola bolted to it. It's being pedaled by a man with no arms and steered -- poorly -- by a kid with no legs. See, they work together, just like the whole symbolic Freak Show family. The kid with no legs is cranking the Victrola and the guy with no arms is a gibbering insane person. Three identical waitresses come bustling out of a diner, because customer service takes a back seat to the chance to see a real live bicycle.

FrankenCurry introduces the sparse-ish first night crowd to Fingers Finnian's Miniature Orchestra. They play "funny midget" ragtime, exactly the sort of music that you'd expect them to play in The Land Of No Imagination. Meanwhile, we are hanging out in Wolf Girl's trailer, now christened the Pup Tent. Wolf Girl is listening to some drum-folk chick music that the captioning describes as "sensual" even though it's not. The song's by a band called ANET, and it's called "Normal." Get it? Because she's not, due to her extreme hairiness. She puts on lipstick in the mirror, which looks great with her handlebar moustache. Marilyn is peeping outside the Pup Tent, getting peeped in turn by the real-life wolf, as Wolf Girl brushes her chest hair. Everybody's got weird turn-ons.

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Hair of the dog

by Jacob Clifton October 27, 2001
WolfGirl Then there's a puppy. I am not immune to the power of the puppy. Dr. Freeze (a.k.a. Lesley Ann) is walking through a clinical, well-lit research kind of room, with cages of puppies and big fishbowls full of mice. Watch out, because what she does now is gank a mouse when no one is looking, put it in her purse, and quickly leave the room. There's no point to that scene except the being startling, what with the mouse larceny and all. So she goes home and into a hall closet, which turns out to be the entrance to her Secret Lab. Still with me? Down there is Marilyn Manson from before, who is her son. Marilyn is talking to Miles the Mouse. "Don't talk to the mouse," Dr. Freeze shrieks, because their entire relationship is based on him wanting to play with animals and treat them like pets and her not wanting him to play with the animals, because it could screw up all her creepy experiments. She looks at her son like she wants to experiment on him a little, to make him more acceptable. Dr. Freeze tells Marilyn to stay away from the lake and the forest and generally the outdoors because she doesn't "trust that posse." Okay, Miss Kitty, what are you talking about? She's talking about this whole scene being in reverse, like just to annoy her son she's being as vague as possible, telling him nothing while treating him like he's stupid, so he has to Hercule Poirot his way into her mind. Do you still hear them, Clarice? So of course MM asks, "What posse?" Because this is not the Wild West, she is not Marky Mark and there is no Funky Bunch, so what posse is she talking about? She's like, "The posse of farmers." He's all, "What posse of farmers?" She's like, "Remember earlier when they said 'somebody's cat got ate'? You were totally interested in the backstory there, right? So here it is: The real-life wolf has eaten Mrs. Shapiro's Siamese. Don't say I never told you anything important." So he's all, "What does that have to do with me hanging out in the forest, because I have no friends, because I am genetically inferior in every way?" And she says, as if she really wants him to believe she loves him, even though she doesn't really, that she's scared the posse will shoot him. No word on how he is menaced every day of the week by the mean Jackal kids, who shoot guns indiscriminately at people and things, or that his only friend is an experimental and tumescent bunny named Donald, or that he has just hit puberty after seeing Wolf Girl tossing around buckets of human waste. Baby steps, Dr. Freeze. One thing at a time.

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