This show continues to disgust me. Let's see what they've got in store this week! Luke is in his manly bachelor pad pool house, where he decides that his own man's opinion about the girls isn't enough, and he wants a woman's perspective, too. So he asked Emme to help him out. No, not to give him her opinions on the ladies -- which is a shame because it would have been funny and given her something to do besides appear in the hallway, say three words, and then vanish for a half hour -- but to round up the girls for a "special event." Yeah, I'm sure Luke thought of this all on his own. I'd like to see him actually ask Emme to do something for him and see how that went over. Emme tells the girls that Luke wants to know who would make a good wife for him and who would make a bad one. Lauren positively glows with pleasure at how much fun this is going to be for her. Each contestant gets a cheesy giant promise-ring-looking disc thing that says "good wife" on one side and "bad wife" on the other. Melissa doesn't know if she'll be able to handle being judged on her personality, since it's all she has because she's fat. First of all: not true. Second of all: then don't go on a reality show. Because you will be judged. A lot.
Krazy Kristian stands up first. Bad wife (a.k.a. people who have way too much faith in the on-set security): Lauren, Melissa, Tali. Good wife (a.k.a. people who don't want to be stabbed in their sleep tonight): Heather. We don't know what Malissa, Anna, or that other girl I don't recognize because Kristian gets all the screentime said. Lauren says Kristian is too "emotionally unstable" for a serious relationship, and somehow manages to look completely sincere and only concerned for Kristian's welfare as she says it. Tali says that Kristian has "some work to do" in terms of how she handles adversity and stress. And now Kristian is crying. Seriously? If I stood in front of a bunch of people I barely knew and they said those things to me, I wouldn't be all that upset about it. Especially if those people had obvious ulterior motives. But I am sane and Kristian is not, so she's really hurt and worried that Luke thinks she's crazy, too. Can't imagine why he would think that!
Heather is next, and her reviews are more favorable. Good wife: Malissa, that random girl, Anna, Tali, Kristian, and Melissa. Bad Wife: Lauren, because she's going to say that about everyone (girlfriend wants to WIN the hand of that douchebag). Anna says that Heather is bubbly and fun. Even Malissa likes Heather, and she was a bitch two weeks ago. Lauren has a point to make: this isn't about who is a good or bad person, but who would be a good or bad wife for Luke. And in regards to Heather, while Lauren acknowledges that she's "fun," there's more to being a wife than that. Lauren then interviews that she's a better wife than any of them, even though she isn't married.
Tali is third to face the torture. Good wife: Melissa. Bad wife: Kristian and Lauren. If they aren't going to show how everyone voted, then there is no point to this. Lauren says she doesn't think Luke and Tali have much in common, personality-wise. I would have to vote "bad wife" as well, simply because I have no idea who this Tali person is. Was she there last week? Lauren continues her interview that the remaining women can't cook a pizza in a microwave, so how could they handle a man and future children and stuff? First of all, they shouldn't be eating pizzas if they're going to need to be alive for as long as possible for their children's sake. And second of all, stop trying to pretend that you have valid reasons for saying everyone is a bad wife, Lauren. We all know your game.
Anna is next. Bad wife: Lauren and Melissa. We don't see any other votes, because Anna might as well not exist this week.
The random girl goes fifth and puts her arm around Emme. Don't touch the host, random girl. You don't even have a name. Bad wife: Kristian, Lauren (SHOCKER!), Melissa, and Malissa. Good wife: Heather, Tali, and Anna. I must also give the random girl a bad wife score because it's hard to be there for your husband when you are invisible. Anna says she doesn't think the random girl has shown enough of herself to Luke. Or to us.
Malissa's next. Bad wife: Kristian and Lauren. Good wife: Melissa, Tali, and Anna. Kristian says Malissa seems high-maintenance and selfish. Malissa doesn't seem to care.
Lauren's up. This should be good. Bad wife: random girl, Malissa, and Heather (I think that's the only person she's given a bad wife vote to). Good wife: Tali and Anna. What? I demand to see everyone's disc! Also, Tali and Anna are suckers for giving Lauren a good wife after she was determined not to do the same for anyone else. Random girl says Lauren is strong, but her "vulgarity" is "up the roof." Up the roof? Is that like raising the roof? Wouldn't that be a good thing, then? Also, why does Malissa's disc now say "good wife?"
Melissa is the last to go. Everyone says bad wife except ... Lauren?!?! The hell? Melissa chooses to take this personally instead of for what is it: a reality show stunt designed to create drama at the expense of contestants' self-esteem. Heather says that Melissa is too young and inexperienced. Whateva, Heatha! You're only a year older than her. This isn't middle school where that's important. Emme spells out that the girls have decided that Melissa is the worst wife for Luke. But only because some of them were too scared of Kristian to tell the truth, so don't be too upset about it, Melissa. Melissa interviews that she's used to being rejected because of her size, but not her personality. Um, Melissa? Do you think it's possible that you have been rejected for your personality before, but it was easier to just blame it on the size instead? Heather got the most good wife votes. Melissa is sitting next to her, and is so jealous. Emme says that they both win the same prize: an alone date with Luke. Ah-HA! That's why Lauren gave Melissa the good wife vote -- she was expecting the person who got the most bad wife votes to get an alone date and was hoping to score it for herself! And Lauren is disgusted and says so in an interview, with her vulgarity just up the roof. The rest of the girls will go on a group date.
They head for the kitchen, where they're all regretting saying that Heather was a good wife, because she gets yet another alone date with Luke and most of them haven't even gotten one yet. Lauren is especially sulky about it. Melissa isn't too happy either, worried that she'll be thrown off the show after her alone date like Danielle was. If that happens, Melissa, you need to do what the rest of us do: tell yourself it's his loss. Because it is.
The next morning, there's a note and a giant prop ring at the front door. Anna fetches it and reads it. It's for Melissa, and tells her to meet Luke out front for their alone date. Melissa says she's really scared, and while she has actually been asked out before, she never said yes because she assumed that it was some guy playing a trick on her. Okay, so, Melissa hasn't been rejected because of her weight at all. She, in fact, has rejected other men based on the assumption that they are jerks. Which makes her a jerk. Just so we're clear. Melissa and Luke take off in the limo as Luke interviews that the girls all thought Melissa was too shy and inexperienced to be a good wife for him, but he wants to find that out for himself. Then why ask for their opinions in the first place?
Luke and Melissa stop at a Moroccan restaurant that kind of looks like a dive from the outside. Inside seems nice, though. Melissa says she's happy to have the alone date, but sad that the other girls don't think she'd be a good wife. "It's not about them," Luke tells her. Thank you, Luke. Maybe you are not a douchebag after all. But I have a feeling you can say that to Melissa 100 times and it still won't sink in. Luke says that he's okay with a woman who is shy and reserved, as long as she's confident. Then why keep the girls who have absolutely no self-este