More to Love
Episode 105

Episode Report Card
Sara M: C- | Grade It Now!
Too Much To Love
ducers have handed Luke and Malissa a bicycle built for two. Neither one is thrilled about it, but they do manage to get on it and ride for a while. They ride past horses. Luke complains that the brakes on the bike aren't very good. Apparently not, as they've driven all the way to Africa and are now riding past zebras. And then Luke breaks the bike. He says his weight causes things like this to happen often, although it can't be all that often since he's only been fat for like three years. With no bike, they have nothing left to do but make out under a tree and then limo back home. Malissa says this is probably the best date of her life and Luke seems to agree that it was a great time. Meanwhile, they don't appear to get a helicopter back to the big house -- just the limo.

Back at home, the other girls want to know what Malissa and Luke did. Malissa tells them, and they're all super-jealous. Especially Anna. Malissa says the date was so romantic that she can't help but falling in love with Luke. Ominous piano music plays as Krazy Kristian's face falls. "Are you?" she asks. She interviews basically doubting that Malissa is really in love with Luke or knows what love is, as if Kristian does herself. At least Malissa had an actual solo date with Luke before saying she was in love with him.

With that, everyone heads for the hot tub. Tali is clothed in a black shawl because she's sick of being in a bathing suit on this show, dammit! Kristian says she came on this show to find someone she's in love with, and Luke is that person. But maybe he doesn't feel that way about her. She says that, but I don't think she really believes it's true. Heather starts crying that she doesn't like hearing other girls say they're in love with Luke because it makes her think Luke will think she doesn't like him as much as they do. Heather interviews that she's not in love with Luke yet, and he might not want to wait for her to fall when he has Malissa or Kristian who already have. Worry not, Heather! Kristian is Krazy, and Malissa only "fell in love" with Luke because he whisked her off to a vineyard on a helicopter, which he could not and would not do in real life.

The next day, it's time for the beach with Heather, Tali, and Anna! But it's not very fun, mostly because Tali and Anna are invisible now and thus unable to carry on much of a conversation. So Luke offers to let them apply sunblock to his massiveness. Luke takes his shirt off and says "whoooo! Man-boobs are out!" "This guy sounds like a douchebag!" my roommate screams from the other room. Yes, roommate, he is. And also he was probably better off with the cheesy pick-up lines about the view than trying to turn girls on by extolling the virtues of his man-boobs. The girls rub Luke down with sunblock, although at the end there it looks like Heather is more interested in fooling around with Anna than Luke. Nice. They can get it on while Luke and Tali have some alone time. Tali says she's feeling jealous, which is unusual for her. Yes, it must be difficult to have emotions when you don't really exist. She says that she really cares about Luke and that their conversations seem to go much deeper than what he talks about with the other girls. When did Tali and Luke ever have one conversation? She sidles up to his man-boobs and then they kiss. Luke interviews that Tali must be a deep person who cares a lot about him for it to take such a long time for her to open up to him.

Back at the big house, Kristian is staking her claim on Luke. She feels like her boyfriend is hanging out with other girls right now, and she's sure they're trying to touch his irresistible man-boob-laden body.

Meanwhile, Luke and Anna take a float out on the water together. Anna complains about how the other girls are always talking about how they're in love with Luke. This backfires on her, as he asks if she could fall in love with him and she doesn't answer him. She says she doesn't want to get married immediately, because to her marriage is supposed to last forever. Luke says he agrees with this, and then butters her up by saying she's gorgeous and fun to be around before making out with her. Luke looks like a bad kisser to me.

While Tali and Anna play invisible volleyball, Heather gets her alone time with Luke. She complains about how Malissa had a really awesome alone date last night, as if Heather hasn't had two of them herself. Luke interviews that he thought Heather was more confident than to be jealous of Malissa's date. He's not sure if his relationship with Heather is progressing like it should. I'll bet that won't stop him from making out with her, though!

Mixer time! Luke arrives, and Heather runs forward to greet him. But Luke asks Mandy for alone time first. Meanwhile, Heather asks for a champagne refill and exposits that two more girls are leaving tonight. Hooray! I wish it were six, but two is better than one. The more people they kick off, the sooner this show is gone for good. Luke asks Mandy for an example of something hard she had to go through to learn a life lesson or whatever. Mandy admits that she once had an eating disorder, and her current size is because of her recovery. And then she says Luke likes her for her, even though she's heavy. Which she isn't, but it must be said at least five terms per episode anyway.

While Mandy tells Luke about her eating disorders, Kristian analyzes their body language, noting that Luke's feet are not pointing towards Mandy. But that's probably so that he'll be able to get as much of a jump start as possible out the door when Kristian comes after him. Heather interviews that she's feeling a lot of pressure and stress right now and hopes that Luke likes her as much as she does him and she literally put me to sleep just now. Maybe it's because I've been up since 2:45 am PST and it's now 11:30 PST and I just spent the entire day traveling across the country by car, rail, monorail, and plane, but I prefer to think it's because I just can't listen to these women say the same things over and over again while displaying little to no additional personality week after week after week. If they don't think there's more to them than their weight, then why are they surprised when that's all the men they date see, too?

Luke and Heather sit down at a table with hilariously tiny chairs. Way to be cruel, set decorators. Heather desperately sobs that she doesn't want to go home and she wants to stay here with Luke. He says that might not be possible, since he has to cut two girls tonight and he doesn't get as much time as he'd like getting to know them, mostly because he uses the little time he gets sticking his tongue down their throats instead of making conversation. Luke blows smoke up Heather's ass about how he really likes who she is as a person and all I can think about is that he has bad hair.

Luke talks to invisible Anna, who makes sure to tell him how awesome she thinks he is and how she's totally falling for him, etc. etc.Meanwhile, Kristian says she's going to put everything on the line and tell Luke she loves him. And then she does it, but so lamely. "I'm going to tell you the same phrase in three languages. I want to see if you understand" she begins. Ugh, what a freaking teacher she is. LOL though, Luke claims he knows Spanish but thinks "te amo, mi amor" means "you are my love." Kristian says she's falling deeply in love with Luke and he's amazing and she's crazy, blah blah blah. "I trust you with my heart," she says, because that way she can guilt him into keeping her for yet another round. What happened to that big hot tub fight she was supposed to have with everyone in last week's previews? So lame. Luke says he's "touched" by Kristian's confession but he does not say he loves her back. Instead, he interviews that he's "flattered." That's what you say when a little kid says she loves you. Not a full-grown woman you're supposed to be dating.

Kristian talks to Tali about what just happened, most likely because Tali happened to be there and got sucked into Kristian's world. Kristian says that Luke told her he care

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More to Love




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