"Mom, Dad, we're engaged!" Steve screams as soon as he's taken a sip of champagne in the living room. Rank shock spreads over Randi's face, and she sounds all put out in a confessional when she tells us how stupid it is that he would pin a surprise on her and make her feel the fool. And then he drops a glass. Good thing he didn't get it on a rug. Why? I think you all know why.

FakeMom, who looks like a mom, stands in the kitchen cooking like a mom while FakeDad, who looks like a dad, lies in the living room with his feet up on the back of the couch. So at least the future faux in-laws will have something in common, then. Randi and Kristina -- who looks like Julia Louis-Dreyfus, a little -- enter the kitchen, as Kristina tells us that their initial mission was to convince Randi that they were normal people, and now I guess all hell is kind of free to break loose. Randi asks if she can help out in the kitchen, and is put on the chore of cutting crusts off of white bread with a giant knife. Kristina picks up the knife and Randi's eyes widen, and we're transported to a black-and-white flashback of Steve telling Randi, "My sister once chased me down the street with a butcher knife." But this would be a plot development if this were an episode of Three's Company where Jack hires a new chef down at the Bistro and then mishears Janet telling Chrissy, "That new guy hit on me and he needs to get a life!" but accidentally thinking he heard "That new guy came at me with a butcher knife!" This is way too contrived to be mistaken for actual human behavior. In other news, RIP Jack Tripper, you sweet, sweet prince, you. May your Bistro live on always and your Beagle always be Regal.

FakeMom asks how many children Randi is planning on having, launching right in and asking if she'll breastfeed. "Some people have a real problem with breastfeeding," FakeMom goes on. "Do you have big nipples?" She continues by saying that she breastfed Steve until he was five, which is made even more awesome by the fact that I do know someone who was breastfed until she (or maybe he...I'll never tell) was five years old. Long story. FakeMom then asks Randi if she intends to "deliver vaginally," running her hands down Randi's hips and calling them "petite." She then feels up her own hips and refers to them as "bearing." This woman is extremely talented and I wish her much, much, much better than this.