My Big Fat Obnoxious Fiance
Episode 3

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Halfway Done! Halfway Done!

Help me keep my job. Please go see Eurotrip. I swear I'll reimburse all three of you who do.

Because Steve is a klutz and he wanted you to remember, he brings breakfast in bed into Randi's room and accidentally knocks it all over her. Whatever. No one's ever served me breakfast in bed. Someone could jam Corn Flakes up my nose and wring milk out of the pillows if I thought it meant they liked me. Wow. I'm a disaster.

Randi sneers at Steve at breakfast when he asks a perfectly innocuous question about how hard it was for her to rid herself of all the tomato juice (no one ever asks me if I ridded myself of all the tomato juice). So he turns the conversation to the fact that he has put together a list of things for Randi to be aware of when she meets his family, and he hands her a scrawled-out sheet of paper that looks like it was written by a precocious and emotionally manipulative fourth-grader. We kick it to a confessional, where Randi reads us the whole thing: "Number one is 'Be flirty.' Number two is 'Play with [his] hair,' which I'm not gonna do. Number three is 'Touch me at least three times around my family and stuff.' Number four is 'Tell a dirty joke,' and number five, 'If my family wants to hot tub, you gotta come.'" And I tell you what: the words "and stuff" as written down almost pull this thing out of failing territory for about a full second. In a confessional, Steve questions Randi's prudish behavior by telling us that "for a quarter of a million dollars, I'd make out with a rabid monkey." Fall '06, Steve. Look for that at the upfronts. Maybe they'll pay you a quarter of a million for the pitch.

Oh, I'm sorry. I see we caught you folks at breakfast. What are you having? Claudia walks around like she owns the place -- oh, wait! Maybe she does! And maybe what is really winning Randi all that scratch is that the real challenge is that she has to unwittingly share her living quarters with...a dead body! Shaped like a leather handbag! It all makes perfect sense now. Claudia takes valuable camera time out to ask how their breakfast was. She's like a Whose Line Is It Anyway party guest named "on a bad first date with everybody in the room." How's the weather, how's your breakfast, don't I look just whorish enough for you to stick around for me to ask how your breakfast was again? I don't mean to make fun. I mean, she's obviously pretty lonely. But today she's excited that the house is about to be filled with people, because Steve's family will be arriving in less than an hour and staying as guests until the wedding day. The challenge for Steve and Randi is that they have to reveal that they're engaged, but say nothing about the wedding date: "We'll save that for later." Wait. Didn't they already send out invitations? Did they send them from the post office at the end of the time-space continuum?

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My Big Fat Obnoxious Fiance

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