We pick up right where we left off last week, with just a little bit of recap. As Joy and Darnell begin their conversion into Marty and Phyllis Rosenstein (children: Ira and Lenny) at the witness protection staging area under the Mall of America, Randy and Earl begin their quest to find the Turners and right the wrong of not getting her on Estrada or Nada. Joy’s resistant to becoming a fat, nondescript Jewish wife and mother who makes dog clothes, until she hears Darnell tell his commanding officer (or whatever he is) how moving into that trailer park in Camden is the best thing that ever happened to him. At that point, Joy -- or should I say “Phyllis”? -- throws herself into it wholeheartedly, memorizing everything about Ohio (where the Rosensteins are from), learning to talk enthusiastically about dog clothes, and even learning some Hebrew. It’s really sweet to discover just how much Joy will do for Darnell.
While they’re being trained, Earl and Randy try to mail themselves in a box (with a 10-second assist by the barely useful Catalina) to Joy and Darnell. Karma makes them eat bugs, shock themselves, throw up and end up in a dumpster; but while they’re there, they find a letter to Joy from Estrada or Nada, saying she has a second chance to get on the show. She wins the second chance, thanks to Earl’s efforts, and the Rosensteins are watching from under Mall of America. Darnell knocks out his commanding officer guy long enough for Joy to end up on the game show, where she and Estrada are in a dead-heat for three rounds until Joy brings in her unique set of skills that no one else has: dressing a dog, speaking Hebrew, and Ohio trivia. She barely wins, Estrada adjusts his toupee, and then everyone says goodbye. Except Earl. He just can’t bring himself to say it, and figures he can say it next time. I’m thinking someone hasn’t seen enough witness protection movies to understand the concept that there will not be a next time. But I think we all know they will be back. And I feel Mr. Turtle will be the one to find and then somehow free them.
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We get a little reminder about what happened last week in the form of the news, which Randy and Earl are watching at the Crab Shack. Apparently, the news in Camden has a segment called "Loser of the Week," and that honor goes to Joy due to her performance and rage on Estrada or Nada. Earl recaps it all for us in voiceover, but we can all remember a week back (plus we have the weecap if we're forgetful, so there's no need to repeat it all here.
We jump into the present as the Turner family is being led into a witness protection relocation facility, according to voiceover Earl. The guy who leads them in turns and tells them, "I know it's small, but it was good enough for Tupac. Uh ... you didn't hear that." I will agree with him that it is, in fact, very small. It looks like it has bunk beds, a regular bed, a couch, a coffee table, dressers and a TV, all in one room. So, the only other possible rooms might be the kitchen and the bathroom. It will be a little more difficult to send the boys out of the room for most of the scenes living like this, won't it?
We find out quickly this is the case, as Joy comes out of the bathroom to yell at Darnell, and you can see Earl Jr. behind her on the top bunk throughout the scene. She yells about how frustrating it is that they've been locked in here for so long, and how they have no idea where they are, and she doesn't know what Darnell did to get into the witness protection in the first place. Darnell tells her no one does, except Mr. Turtle, who will never tell because he's lost and also? A turtle. Joy makes a face that says, "And you are supposed to be the smart one? WTF?!" Which I can't help agreeing with right now.
In walks their witness protection orientation helper (the guy who told them about Tupac). He gives them a packet that he says contains their new identity. He leaves to give them time to look it over. Joy looks at it and freaks: "The Rosensteins?!" Darnell doesn't mind this, since he does speak Hebrew. She goes on that they are from Columbus (gasp!) and they bowl (egads!), and that they design clothes for their pet collie. Wow, the government is clever and evil. Darnell's all smiles, but Joy says she wants something better. Darnell points out they're trailer park underachievers with two hyperactive (really? Earl, Jr. has not moved on that bunk bed during this scene), pre-diabetic kids, so this is actually better.