Catalina's cleaning off the buffet glass when Randy asks if someone sneezed on it, and she says, pointedly, "No." See why buffets should not be in strip clubs? Earl asks for her help proving Little Chubby is Dodge's dad. They needs his DNA, though Earl has to explain to Randy what DNA is (his explanation: "no two people's boogers are exactly alike; they're like snowflakes"). Catalina says she can't help, because Little Chubby would ruin her life if he knew, and there are cameras everywhere. Catalina says she needs for it to look like he's a customer, so she's going to stick her hand down his pants, then he needs to give her a twenty. She does the hand-in-pants part, and after a few seconds Earl tells her he has no money.
Earl and Randy are on their own, so they're in the garbage out back looking for something that might help. But all Randy can find are a bunch of little balloons with mayonnaise in them. Show, do you really have to be so gross? And, also, how is it possible that Randy wouldn't know what a condom is? He has had sex, after all. Please don't tell me there are a bunch of little Randys running around. Little Chubby comes out and starts shooting at Randy and Earl, and they take off running.
Earl and Randy go to talk to Officer Jeff, who's cleaning the word "PIG" off his patrol car. He says the worst part is he doesn't know if this is because he's a cop or because he's fat. Earl and Randy aren't really interested. They just want to report being shot at. Jeff wants them to come back to the station and look at mug shots and have cocoa. They don't need to look at mug shots, though, because it was Little Chubby. Uh-oh. Wrong answer. Jeff says Chubby bought off the mayor, and now there's an ordinance that says if anyone accuses Little Chubby of anything, Jeff has to trump up charges against them. He's about to cuff them, but Earl wonders if he can't just write him a ticket for a busted light or something. Jeff says okay, since they're friends, and then busts Earl's light and writes the ticket. Earl says maybe Little Chubby is above the law, but he believes science is still on his side. His exact voiceover words: "If a father and a son have the same DNA, and the father of the son is also the son of a father... anyway, the plan is to dig up Chubby, Sr." So they do. While they're digging up Big Chubby, Randy says he all of a sudden gets their dad's "I'd rather be fishing" license plate frame, because he actually would rather be fishing right now. Earl wants Randy to flick on his lighter to see what good pieces of him are left. But Big Chubby's last ritual included being doused in Wild Turkey, so he bursts into flames. And a surveillance camera is watching.