This week’s list item is not what you were expecting at all. Turns out Earl poked holes in his babysitter’s boyfriend’s condom to get him back for sleeping with the babysitter, Earl’s crush. She ended up pregnant. When Earl goes to see her, turns out she’s married to that boyfriend, and they’re happy about all of it -- even though their now-20-year-old son is a loser who lives in their basement, didn’t graduate high school, walks around the house in his underwear, and bosses them around. Earl decides that even if they’re happy, he’s going to take this loser and make him a winner. In the process, Randy realizes he’s Earl’s definition of a loser, too. So, he decides to be responsible, and he takes the loser with him, as his Randy. It’s really cute. They end up returning a lost wallet and getting used suits as a reward, then they go to a flange and stopper convention, where they win a golf cart in a dance competition (don’t ask). When they return to a panicked Earl and parents, we realize they’ve learned a lot, but nothing will change ultimately.
The same can’t be said for Darnell, though. In this episode, Joy manages to lose Mr. Turtle (he flies off the Brat while she’s driving). She gets two replacement turtles, but when one dies and Darnell’s sad, she can’t help telling him the truth. Instead of being sad that Mr. Turtle’s missing, Darnell’s filled with hope, because he thinks if any reptile can make it home, Mr. Turtle can. Right, that’s if any reptile can make it home. In the end, we see Mr. Turtle in the parking lot of Earl and Randy’s hotel. No one else has seen him yet, though. Maybe this will become a new thing in each episode: showing us where Mr. Turtle is on his slow, slow journey home. And, in case you were worried, no turtles were harmed in the making of this episode.
Earl tells us in voiceover that one of the great things about the Crab Shack is that people come by to share their exciting news. We get a few examples: Catalina's stalker got hit by a bus and is paralyzed from the waist down! Joy saw the new family, and is still the hottest mom in the trailer park! A lady is not pregnant! Darnell congratulations everyone, but hearing about a pregnant lady just reminds Earl, sitting down the bar, of a list item: Got the babysitter pregnant. (Interestingly, we don't get a list number.)
We flash back to Earl having a hot babysitter, when he was probably 15 and he wouldn't go with his parents and Randy (in his cowboy hat) to a squaredance. It seems weird they wouldn't just leave him home alone, but whatever. Earl tries to impress her by oiling up his skinny teenaged body and listening to Lynyrd Skynyrd with her. Earl decides it's time to make his move, but he catches her kissing a guy closer to her age. She tells Earl to go to bed. So, while babysitter and boyfriend are getting frisky on the couch to Risky Business, Earl sneaks in and pokes holes through the guy's condom. Next thing we know, the babysitter, Rachel, is pregnant. Young Earl tells her to look on the bright side: "We already know you're a good babysitter."
Back in the present, Randy realizes Earl just saw something that made him think of his list, and Randy wants to guess. His guesses: Threw up in the pickled egg jar, and threw up on the electric crab. Then he gives up and Earl tells him it's "Got the babysitter pregnant." He just nods knowingly. Joy walks in and orders a margarita from Darnell, who asks her where Mr. Turtle is, since she said she'd bring him in for a steam bath in the dishwasher. She says she forgot him back at the trailer, but Earl's voiceover explains that's not exactly what happened: She set him on the roof of the Brat when the neighbor's kid chewed through his leash again, then drove off with him still there, and he flew off into the street.
Earl tracks down Rachel, who is still with Daniel, amazingly enough. She's also still hot (looking a lot like Faith Ford). Strangely, though, they now look much older than Earl than they did when they were all young. Daniel tells Earl he always thought it was fate that put them together, but now he realizes he has Earl to thank for it. They're both so happy. They show Earl pictures of their wedding day, which also happens to be the day their son was born. They tell him he didn't do anything wrong, since he brought a new life into the world. Right on cue, their son (played by Max from Veronica Mars) comes upstairs in his underwear, all hairy and a mess, asking if they could be any louder and then complaining that his breakfast isn't made -- and, what is this?! Skim milk?! In other words, he's a 20-year-old loser. Daniel and Rachel just laugh it off, because they're obliviously loving parents (also known as "enablers").