My Name Is Earl

Episode Report Card
DeAnn Welker: B+ | Grade It Now!
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No Turtles Were Harmed In This Episode

Earl tells us in voiceover that one of the great things about the Crab Shack is that people come by to share their exciting news. We get a few examples: Catalina's stalker got hit by a bus and is paralyzed from the waist down! Joy saw the new family, and is still the hottest mom in the trailer park! A lady is not pregnant! Darnell congratulations everyone, but hearing about a pregnant lady just reminds Earl, sitting down the bar, of a list item: Got the babysitter pregnant. (Interestingly, we don't get a list number.)

We flash back to Earl having a hot babysitter, when he was probably 15 and he wouldn't go with his parents and Randy (in his cowboy hat) to a squaredance. It seems weird they wouldn't just leave him home alone, but whatever. Earl tries to impress her by oiling up his skinny teenaged body and listening to Lynyrd Skynyrd with her. Earl decides it's time to make his move, but he catches her kissing a guy closer to her age. She tells Earl to go to bed. So, while babysitter and boyfriend are getting frisky on the couch to Risky Business, Earl sneaks in and pokes holes through the guy's condom. Next thing we know, the babysitter, Rachel, is pregnant. Young Earl tells her to look on the bright side: "We already know you're a good babysitter."

Back in the present, Randy realizes Earl just saw something that made him think of his list, and Randy wants to guess. His guesses: Threw up in the pickled egg jar, and threw up on the electric crab. Then he gives up and Earl tells him it's "Got the babysitter pregnant." He just nods knowingly. Joy walks in and orders a margarita from Darnell, who asks her where Mr. Turtle is, since she said she'd bring him in for a steam bath in the dishwasher. She says she forgot him back at the trailer, but Earl's voiceover explains that's not exactly what happened: She set him on the roof of the Brat when the neighbor's kid chewed through his leash again, then drove off with him still there, and he flew off into the street.

Earl tracks down Rachel, who is still with Daniel, amazingly enough. She's also still hot (looking a lot like Faith Ford). Strangely, though, they now look much older than Earl than they did when they were all young. Daniel tells Earl he always thought it was fate that put them together, but now he realizes he has Earl to thank for it. They're both so happy. They show Earl pictures of their wedding day, which also happens to be the day their son was born. They tell him he didn't do anything wrong, since he brought a new life into the world. Right on cue, their son (played by Max from Veronica Mars) comes upstairs in his underwear, all hairy and a mess, asking if they could be any louder and then complaining that his breakfast isn't made -- and, what is this?! Skim milk?! In other words, he's a 20-year-old loser. Daniel and Rachel just laugh it off, because they're obliviously loving parents (also known as "enablers").

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My Name Is Earl

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