Next, Geraldo's interviewing Joy as Earl and Randy play fight in the background. Joy tells the story of how she was selling Wilfrid some muscle relaxants, which were actually leftover birth control pills, when they were both awe-struck by a blinding light from above. Geraldo says police officially discounted the alien theory, but one officer had a different point of view. That would be Stuart. He drew the long straw and was forced to investigate some sort of homosexual party at the park by going undercover. He set up a surveillance camera, which shows him dancing around with the gays. Stuart says that staying in character was one of the toughest professional challenges of his career. Then there's a bright light, which one of the guys said was like being at a Cher concert, but all Stuart could think was, "UFOs."
Internet enthusiast Josh Martin had been working at the Crab Shack that night. He had just finished pouring a new cement floor in the bathroom and was headed out to his truck when the bright light flashed, and he thought, "Woah! I need to get some Radnor 6400 welding goggles." Strangest product placement ever, right? Nescobar-A-Lop-Lop says he saw a UFO once. He explains that it was the Good Year blimp, which he tried to shoot down. Geraldo explains that it's harder to find someone in Camden who hasn't seen a UFO than to find someone who has. Miss Patty, who's hosing out her car and then hollering "next," says she believes in alien life because of the freaky stuff she's seen, such as a guy with a green penis. Darnell doesn't believe in aliens, but he'll tell us what he thinks happened to Ernie. Geraldo cuts in and asks what Darnell was about to say when they realized this was a good spot to leave viewers hanging: Could it have something to do with the Civil War? He says they'll "stick the probe even deeper inside when Inside Probe continues." Joy asks Darnell what he was going to say, but he's in the middle of a bite of his sandwich, so holds up his finger for about 30 seconds. Then commercials.
When we're back, Darnell's still chewing, so Joy repeats herself. He finishes chewing and says he doesn't remember, since this was filmed eight years ago. That was totally worth the wait. Geraldo's back, wondering if Ernie's disappearance could have to do with history. Darnell explains that Camden County was reluctant to join either side during the Civil War, so it became its own neutral country of its own, called "the Central." Even though it was more than 100 years ago, Ernie was profoundly loyal to the Central, and even flew the flag on the Crab Shack roof. Randy's up there with the flag, because he and Earl are big Central supporters, too. Earl explains that his great-great-great-great (he doesn't know exactly how many greats) grandfather was a general for the Central. We see an Earl twin in historic clothes in a grainy photo, as Geraldo explains he was Jefferson Washington Hickey, leader of the Central. Earl explains that his great-great whatever just wanted the North and South to agree. Which they did: They agreed to massacre the Central. We get a historic photo of Earl's great-great whatever sitting in an outhouse as men with muskets charge in. Darnell explains that the Central started at 3:30 on March 10, 1861, and was gone by 3:45. But Ernie insisted on flying it even though some saw it as an embarrassment to the town's history. Joy jumps in and says it wasn't an embarrassment and that the Central will rise again when Civil War II starts. Earl helpfully tells Geraldo that if he really wants to talk to someone about Central pride, he should talk to Ernie. Oh, wait. Someone hollers for Earl, and he says, "Hey man, can't you see I'm doing an interview with Gerardo?" [sic]