The hospital wants to boot Earl, and the nurse offers Randy the options of putting Earl in long-term county-paid care, or taking Earl himself, and earning $2000 in Camden Cash. I thought after last week, Earl's parents were going to be making all the major medical decisions? Anyway, Randy is dazzled by the possibility of a free paintball game bought with his Camden Cash. I mean, who hasn't been there?
Cut to Randy pushing Earl down the street in a shopping cart, none too gently. He humps the cart over a curb and then says, "That's good, Earl. You didn't pee that time." I think I'm showing my age (and my experiences caring for elderly grandparents) when I say that I'm concerned about bed sores.
Meanwhile, on The Hickeys, Earl and Billie are old, and reminiscing about their crazy antics over the years: the time they got in a fight and divided the house in half with tape. Oh, that was a good episode of Happy Days. Another time, their young sassy African-American cousin came to stay with them and said things like "honky." That, and Idol this week, remind me of how my brother and I made up alternate lyrics to "Jesus Christ Superstar" that were about Gary Coleman. Believe me, I wish I remembered them.
Earl is brought out of his dream by Patti the Hooker calling out to him. Randy explains what's going on, and demonstrates how Earl is getting better by giving Earl a wet willie, which causes Earl to slap away Randy's hand. Randy observes, "Every opening I stick my finger in, I get a different reaction." Patti chuckles, "Sounds a lot like my job!" Wow, NBC's family hour strategy is really consistent, no? Just kidding! Don't stop sending me checks! Patti offers Randy a wheelchair that used to belong to her pimp.
Randy uses a remote control to bring Earl in his pimped-out wheelchair into the Crab Shack. There are spinners on the wheels, and a crazy sound system attached. Joy says that she's tempted to cripple Darnell just to get one, and Darnell says that he's tempted to let her. Randy explains how he came to his decision to care for Earl himself. Darnell and Joy are worried. Randy explains what a great job he's been doing, and we see Randy pouring a chicken/fries/beer milkshake into an IV bag for Earl, and giving Earl a bath in the tub, and then using tongs to lift up his junk and dry underneath with a hair dryer. I was really nervous about the proximity of that dryer to the tub -- I think I'm too easily influenced by the giant warning tags that are somehow still attached to the hairdryer I've had for like six years. Randy thinks that, now that Earl is out of the hospital, he can start crossing items off the list himself, and picks one out: "Made Derek Stone late for work."