It's Randy's birthday, and Earl decides to make the gift a two-for-one: birthday gift and list item. He gets Randy a puke green Ranchero with wood side panels -- which is apparently a better car than Earl's El Camino. Sadly, everyone in Camden can look at the car and immediately knows it's better while I look at it and see essentially the same car. In fact, before My Name Is Earl, I didn't realize how many different models of cars had a pickup bed. I thought it was just the El Camino, but then discovered Joy's Brat and now the Ranchero. I had so much to learn before this show came along to enlighten me.
The car ends up stolen by Camden criminals, who no longer respect the code of not stealing from other criminals. Well, they respect the code, they just don't respect Earl anymore, since he's made his list and given up his life of crime. Earl buys it back, but when it's stolen a second time he turns to the cops -- even after Joy reminds him the hierarchy of people: regular people, fat people, cops, al-Qaeda, stuff that comes out of zits, and snitches, in that order. Unfortunately for Earl, he ends up with Officer Hoyne, who is such a terrible cop that he misplaces his gun and his badge, the only two things that really set a cop apart. Earl turns back to crime to retaliate and get the car back, but Hoyne suddenly turns competent and arrests him. Earl snitches again then and sets off a chain of snitching that involves every criminal in Camden, all the way up to the crime boss, Mr. Wallace (a really old guy with health problems, who also works part time as a crossing guard). This allows Earl to get Randy's car back just in time for his birthday. Oh, and continuity alert: Randy brings up having been with Catalina, so they haven't forgotten that happened like I suspected when she told him he had a vagina last week.
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This episode opens how every episode used to end: with Earl and Randy sharing a bed in the hotel. Randy wakes up and tells Earl it's two days until his birthday and wonders if Earl got him a present yet. He also tells Earl he is old enough to finally go by his proper name, Randolph. Earl informs him that his name is Randall, and Randy's upset. He doesn't even think Randall's a real name, but he knows Randolph is because of Randolph Hitler (sic). He thinks Randall sounds so strange that his mom and dad might as well have named him "Pork Chop Hickey." As you might expect, it turns out Randy likes this name and would like Earl to start calling him that, but Earl refuses. There's a pause, and then Randy says, "Good morning, Earl." I found that confusing. Like, were we supposed to think he was sleep-talking that whole time and just woke up? Or does Randy just wake up talking and then realize he forgot to say "Good morning"? And what's the point of that, writing-wise? Just to confuse me? If so, well played, Earl writers. Earl sighs "Good morning, Randy."
Earl has put a lot of thought into Randy's gift and is giving it to him two days early because it's too big to hide in a closet. It's a car. But not just any car. It's a Ranchero, which is far superior to Earl's own El Camino. We know this thanks to Catalina and then Earl telling us how great it is. (If you knew this on your own, you know far too much about cars with pickup beds and should be ashamed.) Catalina reminds Earl that for her birthday he gave her a "Happy Bat Mitzvah" mug, but that was just because he thought it said "Happy Birthday" in Spanish. We learn that Earl's crossing number 213 off his list this week. Is that the highest we've ever gone on the list? Maybe it's a recent addition? Anyway, the list item is "Never let Randy have anything better than me." Flashback montage: They stole some coats, and Earl gave Randy a ladies' fur shoulder wrap and kept the leather jacket for himself. This totally works, because all Earl has to do is tell Randy the shoulder wrap is for guys and Randy's all smiles. (This is presumably before last week's valuable life lesson.) Then Earl takes the girl in a neck brace who's not saving herself for marriage and gives Randy the girl who is saving herself and wants to talk about the Lord. Finally, they move in to the hotel and Randy gets the side of the bed with the bloodstain. And this is not just any bloodstain. It's HUGE, like someone was killed. In fact, I wouldn't even sleep on Earl's side of that bed.