Randy gets his annual President's Day lottery ticket from a crazy aunt who thinks he's Abraham Lincoln. He scratches it off, and wins $250. Then he runs outside and gets hit by a bicycle. It's like a mini version of Earl's karma, and this episode becomes a mini version of Earl's list. Randy watches Carson Daly until he figures out what karma's trying to tell him, and that leads him back to Earl's old friend, Zeke, who Randy apparently drove away by making Earl think Zeke had stolen his Andrew Dice Clay belt buckle. So, he brings Zeke and Earl back together, but soon realizes that's not the list item after all. Instead, he's supposed to bring Zeke closer to his brother, Arlo, who wants a relationship like Earl has with Randy. He makes it happen, and it quickly becomes Earl's episode again. Earl tells us that he did all this by bringing Zeke and Arlo back together. The lesson we learn is that everyone fools the ones they love -- for karma.
Joy and Darnell are still in Witness Protection, but they can't be the Rosensteins, since Joy blew that cover with the whole Estrada or Nada thing where she, you know, used everything she learned as a Rosenstein to out-Estrada Erik Estrada. She wants to be Goldie Krystal and live like the ladies on Sex and the City. So the agents move her to New York, but it's a terrible, tiny apartment with no bathroom and a train right outside that goes by every second. So she announces who they are and they're quickly moved to a Canadian logging camp. She again announces it, and they turn her family into Eskimos (or, as they prefer to be called, Inuits; is this show going PC on us?). But she soon realizes the agent and his partner are having an affair, which she's happy to keep quiet if she gets a better identity and life. And, poof! She's Goldie Krystal in a big, fancy Coto de Caza-style house with palm trees and sunshine. Darnell and the boys are really just along for the ride.
We open with a glimpse of the opening of old, with those scenes from the first episode, where Earl asks us if we know the kind of guy who does nothing but bad things and then wonders why his life sucks. He scratches a lottery ticket, wins $100,000, and gets hit by a car. He watches Carson Daly talk about karma in the hospital and makes the list. You know the drill, but the show realizes that some people don't, so we get that again.
Earl and Randy have moved into Joy and Darnell's trailer since their family was taken into witness protection. They're finishing up removing the plastic from the furniture. Randy thinks maybe they should have left it so they wouldn't have to get up to go pee, like their mom used to do for him when he was a kid. Earl points out that the plastic wasn't so that he could pee the bed, but it was because he peed the bed. Randy says, "Chicken and the egg, Earl," which I think is too smart of a reference for Randy to make. It's sad that I think something as simple as that is too smart for Randy, I know. Catalina comes in with their mail, saying it was finally released from police evidence, but they still haven't caught the mailbox sniper. Catalina says it's one of the girls from Club Chubbie. This is the only moment Catalina will matter in this entire episode, and yet it really doesn't matter. Randy reads a President's Day card out loud, and Earl explains to Catalina that their aunt thinks Randy's Abe Lincoln, so sends him a card and lottery ticket every President's Day. Randy scratches the ticket and wins $250. He screams that he's rich and looks up into the camera just like Earl did in the first episode. Then he runs out of the trailer and promptly gets hit by a bike. But not, like, a Harley. A bicycle that's being ridden by a kid. Earl comes out and Randy tells him that karma hit him just like it hit Earl. They watch the ticket blow away in the wind as Earl says that he'll be damned. Although, I think the list will help keep that from happening.
Meanwhile, Joy and Darnell are in a van getting a new identity, since Lady Agent says Joy ruined the Rosenstein identity with her win on Estrada or Nada. Joy tells the agents that she's digging their slow jams on the car stereo, which are giving her "chick wood." I don't want to know what that means. Darnell tells her this is serious business, and then apologizes to the agents. Joy reiterates that she wants her name to be Goldie Crystal, and she wants to live somewhere with skyscrapers and cosmopolitans, where gay men are your best friends. Next thing we know, the agents are leading Joy and Darnell into a tiny, rat-infested-looking dump in New York. Joy says Goldie Crystal wouldn't live here, and Agent Orientation says she doesn't, because they are Lorba and Wilma Grunelbutt (according to my captioning). Darnell thinks it's not that bad, then a train goes by and shakes the whole place, knocking dishes out of cupboards and making a mess. He says it will be like a relaxing massage. Another one goes by, and he points out they'll be totally relaxed from all of the massaging.