We open with a glimpse of the opening of old, with those scenes from the first episode, where Earl asks us if we know the kind of guy who does nothing but bad things and then wonders why his life sucks. He scratches a lottery ticket, wins $100,000, and gets hit by a car. He watches Carson Daly talk about karma in the hospital and makes the list. You know the drill, but the show realizes that some people don't, so we get that again.
Earl and Randy have moved into Joy and Darnell's trailer since their family was taken into witness protection. They're finishing up removing the plastic from the furniture. Randy thinks maybe they should have left it so they wouldn't have to get up to go pee, like their mom used to do for him when he was a kid. Earl points out that the plastic wasn't so that he could pee the bed, but it was because he peed the bed. Randy says, "Chicken and the egg, Earl," which I think is too smart of a reference for Randy to make. It's sad that I think something as simple as that is too smart for Randy, I know. Catalina comes in with their mail, saying it was finally released from police evidence, but they still haven't caught the mailbox sniper. Catalina says it's one of the girls from Club Chubbie. This is the only moment Catalina will matter in this entire episode, and yet it really doesn't matter. Randy reads a President's Day card out loud, and Earl explains to Catalina that their aunt thinks Randy's Abe Lincoln, so sends him a card and lottery ticket every President's Day. Randy scratches the ticket and wins $250. He screams that he's rich and looks up into the camera just like Earl did in the first episode. Then he runs out of the trailer and promptly gets hit by a bike. But not, like, a Harley. A bicycle that's being ridden by a kid. Earl comes out and Randy tells him that karma hit him just like it hit Earl. They watch the ticket blow away in the wind as Earl says that he'll be damned. Although, I think the list will help keep that from happening.
Meanwhile, Joy and Darnell are in a van getting a new identity, since Lady Agent says Joy ruined the Rosenstein identity with her win on Estrada or Nada. Joy tells the agents that she's digging their slow jams on the car stereo, which are giving her "chick wood." I don't want to know what that means. Darnell tells her this is serious business, and then apologizes to the agents. Joy reiterates that she wants her name to be Goldie Crystal, and she wants to live somewhere with skyscrapers and cosmopolitans, where gay men are your best friends. Next thing we know, the agents are leading Joy and Darnell into a tiny, rat-infested-looking dump in New York. Joy says Goldie Crystal wouldn't live here, and Agent Orientation says she doesn't, because they are Lorba and Wilma Grunelbutt (according to my captioning). Darnell thinks it's not that bad, then a train goes by and shakes the whole place, knocking dishes out of cupboards and making a mess. He says it will be like a relaxing massage. Another one goes by, and he points out they'll be totally relaxed from all of the massaging.