My Name Is Earl

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DeAnn Welker: C- | Grade It Now!
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50 First Headaches

Joy's in her Brat eating some "Chubbies Nuggets," according to the packaging, as Earl voiceover tells us that a crime is committed every seven minutes in Camden. And, unfortunately for Joy, time is about up. A greasy-looking guy with slicked-back hair hops into her car and points a gun at her. She tells him that carjacking a red, white, and blue Brat is liking spitting on the American flag, and asks him to let her get her nuggets. She reaches in the car, but he's apparently one of those mean car thiefs, so he slams the door right as she's reaching in, smashing her fingers. Her response is, "Oh snap! My hand snapped!" But obviously said with a lot of grimacing and pain. He drives off, pulling Joy in tow, since her hand is stuck.

Meanwhile, Randy's telling Earl that if you can pull the label off your beer bottle in one piece it means you're not a virgin. Willy the mailman told him that (Willy, as in, Ethan Suplee's dad, which makes that he told him that sort of creepy). Earl peels his off in one piece, so he guesses it must be true. Randy tries, but his tears, and he screams, "What?! I've had sex, you stupid beer!" Right then Joy's car comes up the road dragging Joy, who manages to pull free, rolls to a stop, then stands up and starts running after the car. It's the best stunt Randy's seen since "Sweet Johnny." Hearing that term sends Earl into voiceover, time-to-bring-out-the-list land. Sweet Johnny was number 7 on Earl's list, and one of the things he claims to feel worst about (presumably why he's so close to the top of the list).

Earl voiceover tells us that Sweet Johnny got his nickname because he was so sweet, and also because he did such sweet stunts. Flash back to David Arquette in a patriotic white suit that's sort of Evel Knievel-lite. He puts his helmet visor down, and then we realize he's tied to a rope that's also tied to a motorcycle that's pulling away. The rope loses its slack and Sweet Johnny falls over and is pulled away. I don't think that's much of a stunt really, but it is pretty stupid. Earl continues that he was impressed with Sweet Johnny's stunts, but was even more impressed with Sweet Johnny's girlfriend Sheila, who looks and dresses like -- and for all intents and purposes is -- Daisy Duke.

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My Name Is Earl

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