In this very special Halloween episode... oh, right. Well, in this episode that probably should have aired in October, Betty White guest stars as the old crazy lady who had been called the "Crazy Witch Lady" for so long that she ends up turning into it. She's on Earl's list, so when he goes to her house to make up for what he's done, she poisons him with tea and chains him up in the basement. She then proceeds to kidnap and chain up, in this order, Randy, Kenny and Stuart, Joy, Darnell, Catalina and Patty the Daytime Hooker (who is also the witch lady's daughter, by the way). They all sit there and try to figure out what to do. It's mildly funny. Then the witch lady decides she wants to kill one of them, and will let them decide who. They all start shouting: the dumb one (Randy), the bitch (Joy), the whore (Patty), the stripper (Catalina), the gay guys (Kenny and Stuart), the nice one (Darnell), the karma zombie guy (Earl). But then Earl makes an impassioned speech about how labeling is what turned the witch lady into an actual witch lady in the first place. He thinks he's convinced her, but then she stabs him. She goes to a mental institution and everyone works hard to overcome their labels. She loses her witch hair and becomes just plain-old Betty White again (and Patty's loving mother). Everyone lives happily ever after. At least until the next episode.
Earl and Randy sit in the Crab Shack on a "slow day," which Earl explains causes them to bet on who will come through the door next. Randy thinks it will be a Chinese guy named Townsend. He's feeling confident, since he called the black chick named Henrietta. He waves at her. Randy chants: "Chinese Townsend. Chinese Townsend. Chinese Townsend." But instead, in walks Betty White -- only not the sweet Betty White we all know and love. This is a scary-looking Betty White. She's draped all in black velvet with some sort of rope-looking jewelry on, and her hair is long, straight, and white. She has on big glasses with thick black frames. But they look more scary than nerdy. Randy and Earl both start saying, "Crazy witch lady. Crazy witch lady." She walks by them and they both look freaked and won't look directly in her eyes. She walks by Catalina, who crosses herself. Randy says he heard that if her shadow falls on you, your blood freezes and your heart falls out your butt (such a common tale about crazy ladies). Earl says he's heard that, too, but he has to go talk to her, because she's number 186 on his list: "Was mean to the crazy witch lady."
He flashes back to youthful Earl, as grown-up Earl explains in voiceover that she's Camden's Crazy Witch Lady, but he used to cut across her lawn on his way to school anyway. He bikes across the lawn [Through her garden! - Zach] and she yells at him and holds up her broom. He says she would chase him away whenever he'd cut across there. She shrieks, "Get away! My birds are buried there!" He came up with a plan to get even -- a plan involving super glue (which he puts on her broom handle) and food coloring (which he puts in her face cream). To this day, Earl thinks it was an awesome plan. Then he sprang the trap: He called the cops and said Crazy Witch Lady was trying to eat him. Then he watched her put her face cream on, and he bikes on through. Her face is covered in the green cream when she runs out and grabs her broom to raise it at him. He bikes away, and the cop points his gun at her. He asks her to drop the broom, but she can't. The cop calls her a "kid eater" and then shoots her with a Taser gun. She lies on the ground twitching.
In the present, Earl's apologizing to Crazy Witch Lady, and asks her name. She says it's Grizelda Weezmer, which she knows doesn't help matters much. She tells Earl he's the first person who's ever bothered to ask her name in this town. He tells her he would like to make it up to her. She says she gets lonely, so he could come over for tea tomorrow afternoon. He says he's heard good things about tea, so he'll do that. He and Randy leave, and we see Joy and Darnell sitting at a table eating. Joy calls Grizelda cross-eyed and says that God sure broke the widow stick on her. Darnell protests that Joy's not very nice (really?!), but Joy stops him to add that Grizelda's creepier than babies with glasses and she smells so bad that cats try to bury her in the sand. She adds, "Bay-am!" for good measure. Darnell asks her why she always has to say those kind of things. Joy thinks he always sticks up for near-sighted babies, but he says it's not just them. Joy says it's not mean if people laugh, but Darnell asks what about when people cry, like Eugenia did yesterday. Joy says Eugenia set her up by saying she thought she could be a plus-sized model. Joy had to say, "Yeah, a plus-sized model home." Of course. Joy points out that one person cried, but six laughed.