My So-Called Life
Life Of Brian

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Life Of Brian

Props to the Wingster. The Winganator. Wing. And the Sarstress. Writing some recaps.

Go. Now. Go.

We're in an unfamiliar room, and a female voice drifts in: "Brian, honey, are you ignoring me, sweetheart? If you are, that's okay. Just tell me." It's time for a new abbreviation, because as we pan over to Brian Krakow playing with his telephoto lens (his actual telephoto lens, people -- ew), we are regaled with an unfamiliar voice providing the narration. It's Brian's voice, so I'm going to go out on a limb and call it BVO: "My mother's a behavioral psychologist." A man's voice similarly invades the Sanctum Krakonium: "Bernice, if you left him alone, maybe he'd break out of this prolonged latency." BVO: "And my father's a Freudian psychiatrist." (Mom: "Our child is not in latency." Dad: "Keep living in denial, Bernice.") BVO: "Which basically means that they fundamentally disagree on, like, everything." (Dad: "Brian, is everything all right?" Mom: "Feel free not to respond!") What a nightmare. Brian already makes a lot more sense.

Meanwhile, we see what we no doubt already suspected, which is that Brian is using his high-powered zoom to stalk Angela. He is, in fact, scoping her out through her window as she walks around in a snazzy robe. Which is closer to pathetic than to creepy but, the longer this goes on, the more that balance will shift, until Brian will need to go to prison. Where, let's face it, he wouldn't stand a chance. BVO: "At Angela's house they probably, like, laugh. And eat unbalanced meals. And talk about things that don't have deep symbolic meaning. They're probably this, like, normal family." Uh-huh. Normal like a three-eyed fish, Krakow. Normal like you, and your creepy-ass zoom lens.

To illustrate Brian's implied misconception, we cut to Chase Place, where Danielle is being tortured. Actually, she's having her hair brushed, but she does scream, "Child abuse!" Oh, she'll be sorry when Patty actually starts smacking her around, and none of the villagers believe her, and all chortle, "That's the girl who cries 'Child abuse!' Pay her no heed. Pass me a flagon of ale. Hey, did you catch the footrace today? I lost a bundle betting on that lazy fucking hare."

Aaaaanyway, Graham and Patty are looking for wallpaper in the basement because Graham is going to wallpaper the bedroom. Supportive as ever, Patty says, "You're actually going to wallpaper the bedroom?" Graham wants to know what the big deal is. Patty says, "Nothing. Except this wallpaper sat here through the entire Bush administration." (My heart just stopped. Someone please tell me that that's the only Bush administration anyone will have to sit through, ever. Please?) Graham says, "I figure, since I'm not working, it'll keep me off the streets." Patty's concerned that Graham doesn't know what he's doing, because in her world Graham has no skills and requires her guidance constantly. He assures her that he can wallpaper a room. Fake Patty smile. I'm bored by the wallpapering subplot already.

At My So-Called High, Brian is using his telephoto lens to stalk other people instead of Angela. BVO: "I became yearbook photographer because I liked the idea that I could sort of watch life without having to be part of it. But when you're yearbook photographer, you're, like, never in the picture." The eye of the beholder has settled on the new girl, Delia Fisher, as Sharon Cherski drags her over to meet Brian. Always prepared with a slick opener, Brian says defensively, "I'm yearbook photographer. This is my job." Awkward pause. Brian should just say, "Awkward pause," whenever he's done talking, to fill the awkward pause. ["Hee. I think I might start doing that my own self." -- Sars] Sharon says, "Brian, I'd like you to meet Delia. She's new." Delia smiles a bright smile and says, "It's really nice meeting you." Right in his element, smoothly downshifting into small talk, Brian says, "Oh. Yeah. Awkward pause." Charmed, Delia says, "Maybe I'll see you around?" Brian says, "Awkward pause." Delia leaves, swooning. "Nice, Brian. Real suave," says Sharon. Only she means, like, so the opposite. Brian is confused. Sharon says, "It was pretty obvious what she was thinking." Brian is confused. Sharon says, "She likes you! Ask her to the dance!" Brian's all, "Wait, this world happiness thing?" Now Sharon's true motives are revealed, as she snarks, "It's not a 'thing.' It's a dance. Which I am trying to turn into a great dance. Which is, like, almost impossible, since apparently the idea of school spirit is, like, out the window." But Brian couldn't really care any less about the stupid dance. "Wait, so, getting back to this Delia thing." Sharon gives him the low-down on where to find Delia tonight. (She works at "Big Guy Burger." Heh.) Sharon, you little devil. The eyes of the beholder have already spun around and turned into little cartoon hearts.

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My So-Called Life

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