My So-Called Life
Life Of Brian

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Key Grip: D | 3 USERS: A+
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Life Of Brian

Brian walks by an open classroom door, and spots his back-up booty looking through a microscope. He starts to enter the room, chickens out, but then fails to escape because Delia looks up, spots him, and calls out a bright, "Hi!" Get your eye back behind that lens, Fisher. You'll need to twirl that thing to a high magnification in order to see Brian Krakow's spine. What? I said spine. Delia says, "I've been looking for you all day." Man, she's actually really adorable, am I right? Brian says, "I've been, like, really busy. I'm, like, carrying a triple minor." Delia says, "Oh. I didn't even know you could have a triple minor." Yeah, me neither. This is high school, right? Do people have "majors" and "minors" in High School? Sars? I just remember taking a bunch of classes. Maybe it's a Pittsburgh thing. ["Must be. In Jersey we just had 'goddamn (insert subject here).'" -- Sars] Anyway, Brian says, "They sort of bent the rules for me. So. Awkward pause." Delia asks him to help identify the slide she's looking at, which he does. Apparently, it's paramecia, complete with cilia, to aid in propulsion. Then, when Brian stands up, and Delia grasps the microscope firmly in her hand, and leans her head down out of the frame, BVO says, "Finally. An erection from actual physical contact." I just recap it, folks. I don't make it up. And this moment is totally fellatious. Unfortunately for Ms. Fisher, Angela walks by and sees this intimate moment, and Brian looks guilty, and also acts as though he's just seen some, like, really great wallpaper.

Oh, man, you know what I could go for right now? Skittles.

Chase Place. Graham and Brian. Wallpaper. "It's just so weird. When you've, like, chosen your wallpaper and you think you're pretty happy with it, but just -- every time you pass by the other wallpaper, you know the one you sort of liked more..." I canna keep it together, Captain! This metaphor is comin' apart at the seams! Luckily, Graham interrupts Brian at this point with the astute and incisive observation that Brian is not, in fact, really talking about wallpaper. Thank. You. Then Patty enters. She is so grateful to see that Brian is helping out with this boring subplot that she might as well permanently cement a dunce cap to her husband's scalp. But a condescending attitude is not sufficient; she must also remind him that the last day of registration for the Adult Ed Cooking Class is coming up, and what's the matter with Graham that he's avoiding this wonderful opportunity? She tells him that a lot of important chefs are teaching. "Like who?" Wincing, Patty offers up, "Like Stefan Dieter." "Who?" "You know. That guy from the TV show. Stefan's Kitchen." Graham says, "That guy died." Patty, who always has to contradict everything, says, "He did not die." (Grandpa Simpson: "Oh. Grandpa says the dog's dead, so he muuuust be aliiive. I'm tired of this conversation. I'm going home.") Patty acts all confused about Graham's hedging, as though this was his idea all along and not something she forced on him, and Graham says, "The way things are right now, it just doesn't feel right to make plans. I'd rather let whatever happens, happen." He smiles at Brian, who pretends to understand this philosophy.

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My So-Called Life

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