My So-Called Life
Life Of Brian

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Life Of Brian

In the Den of Krak, Brian sits, cradling his camera in his lap. 'Cause he, like, has a chance to be, like, in the picture, you know? Only, it's like, which picture should he be in? The picture that he, like, promised to be in already? Or the, um, like, other picture, that he's always kind of wanted to be in but, like, it always wanted this other picture with a red, like, car. Or something. Pretty much. Just -- I guess. So. Awkward pause.

Across from Big Guy Burger, Brian begins a scene so uncomfortable to watch that I have difficulty getting through it even when I don't have to recount its every frame in loving detail. Delia flounces over to him, saying she only has a minute to talk (her manager, The Hawk, is probably watching her again). So Brian gets right to the point: "So it's sort of about the dance. It turns out that I kind of forgot about this other commitment that I already had. It's kind of, you know, special, or whatever, so I --" BVO: "Of all the stupid things I've said, which are, like, countless, I've never wanted to take something back more than that one." Brian tries to salvage some semblance of dignity: "Maybe we could go somewhere else some time. I mean, catch a movie, or whatever." Delia's not fooled, though. Maybe she's not from such a small town: "This other commitment. Is it another girl or something? [Brian makes a super-guilty face.] Brian, look. It doesn't matter who you told first, if it was her, or if it was me. You should go with who you want to go with. Just be honest with me, please." So he is. Which is where the scene becomes rather too painful to watch without squirming, as Brian Krakow flat-out tells Delia Fisher he'd rather go to the World Happiness Dance with this other girl. Kids' stuff, I know. But it hurts all the more for being that, don't it?

Man, I'm so goddamn hungry. I'd eat recreational mustard.

Chase Place. Patty is busy with some paperwork, and when Graham comes downstairs from a long day of wallpapering their bedroom with stupid analogies, she hands him an envelope. Apparently, she has enrolled him in a cooking class taught by the late Stefan Dieter. "So what does this mean? So -- you enrolled me?" says Graham, tipping us off. Patty explains that as long as she constantly focuses all her energy on chipping slowly away at Graham's perceived shortcomings, she can avoid turning that Electron Nag-O-Scope on herself, thereby never having a horrifying realization about who she has become. No, wait, she says, "I know that sometimes it's hard for your to...focus." Graham crumples up the enrollment thingy. Patty says, "I know that you like to cook..." (She really has no sense. If Patty were married to Mozart, she'd be all, "I know you're really into this whole minuet, divertimento, like, opera scene...") Graham shoots back, "It's not that I like to cook. It's this thing I can just do. The one thing I can do." Thankfully, they are interrupted by the doorbell, which Danielle insists on answering -- rather inexplicably, because, as far as we've seen, not a single human being has ever come to the Chase household for the purpose of seeing Danielle, once, ever.

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My So-Called Life

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