My So-Called Life

Episode Report Card
Key Grip: B+ | 2 USERS: C
And it fits into this empty place in your heart

In that hallway, by the lockers, Rayanne "Three Sisters" Graff and Ricky "No One Should Hate...Who They Are" Vasquez are dishing about some girl's jewelry. "Who are we trashing?" asks an appearing Chase, regret, used lips, and all. "Cynthia Hargrove's nose stud," says Rayanne. "It's too small. It's like a semi-precious pin." Ricky decides it's time to open mouth and insert foot, and says to Angela, "She is so sleazy. You are such an improvement." Angela, a tad slow on the uptake, is like, "What do you mean? You mean Jordan went out with Cynthia Hargrove?" Rayanne rips the knob off the tactometer, and is all, "I don't know about 'went out.' I don't know how many outside locations they actually went to." Angela makes the leap of logic, "But she's someone Jordan used" Rayanne: "Yes. Jordan used to 'um' her." Rickie tries to defend his mistake by blaming it on Angela's ignorance: "You must have known that. I knew that." Angela bumbles around about how she must have blocked it out, and it doesn't bother her, it's just that she didn't know, but now she does, and then she saunters off self-consciously, trying to salvage a little dignity. Rayanne's all, "They obviously haven't um-ed yet."

Slow mohair. Angela walks down the hall, looking at her fellow students, her teachers, in groups, and pairs, men and women, while AVO delivers a great speech, one of the all time best, a speech so good that it was ripped off wholesale by Felicity: "I couldn't stop thinking about it. The, like, fact of it. People had sex. That they just...had it. That sex was this thing people had. Like a rash, or a Rottweiler. Everything started to seem, like, pornographic, or something. Like, Ms. Krzyzanowski has sex. So does Mr. Katimski. They both have sex. They could have sex together, like, right now. I am, like, the sickest person." Kind of, except she's wrong about one thing: Mr. Katimski is not about to have sex with Ms. Kriz-whatever, or any other Ms. Which only, in the end, improved the speech.

At Chase Place, Danielle is setting the table, Graham is on the phone ("We're looking forward to it...see ya Friday..."), and Patty is sneezing. "Mom," says Danielle, "if you got a flu shot then why are you sick?" Patty insists that she's not sick, and that sometimes the flu shot just makes you a little sick. Anyway, Graham gets off the phone with, as it turns out, the loud annoying woman from his cooking class, Hallie Lowenthal, which explains why Graham was so happy and flirty on the phone -- he likes Hallie quite a bit more than he likes his wife. Anyway, Danielle asks who she is, and Patty answers, "Someone from your father's cooking class, who we've invited to dinner. With her fiancé. What's her fiancé's name again?" Brad, it turns out. "That is such a perfect fiancé name." And that's a good thing, too, because he's never going to get more than that, given that Hallie wants to steal Graham away from Patty, but I digress. Patty calls Angela, who answers from somewhere else in the house that she's not hungry. Danielle says something about not wanting a flu shot, but Patty is too busy running down her other daughter: "I know exactly what's gonna happen. At ten o'clock at night, she's gonna be picking around in that refrigerator, like Princess Di, asking you to make her something." Angela says, "I heard that! And I won't be hungry later!" Danielle keeps blathering on about her flu shot, while Patty start to get worried about Jordan: "We said we wanted to meet him, if they're going out. Doesn't he drive her home sometimes? We don't even know what kind of a driver he is. Not to mention..." Graham, with a glance at Danielle, "Not to mention what else we can't mention." Patty says, "They have a car. The car has doors, seats. They may as well have their own apartment." Yes, and what if Angela forgets to look in the rearview mirror of childhood, or fasten her seatbelt of contraception, or explore other parts of the car-as-sex metaphor that pervades this episode? What then, I ask you? Anyway, Patty goes on, as usual: "We have to meet him. We have to be firm and consistent." Then Danielle asks about the flu shot again, and Patty and Graham give her opposite answers at the same time -- get it, because that's not firm or consistent. Ha ha. Not. Danielle's all, "When you said what else they could be doing, did you mean, like, foreplay?" Cough cough. Mumble.

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My So-Called Life




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