My So-Called Life

Episode Report Card
Key Grip: B+ | 2 USERS: C
And it fits into this empty place in your heart

Commercial. I would just like to say, having watched the Oscars last night, that Kenny Lonergan was robbed blind in the Best Original Screenplay category. The script for Almost Famous, which was totally fine, and even cool at times, is nevertheless unfit to mop up the cigarette ash that Mr. Lonergan generated while writing You Can Count On Me. And that's just the way it is.

On the Chase's front porch, which is a refreshingly underused location, Angela spots Sharon "Tiny Dan" Cherski returning a chafing dish. "I'm returning your mom's chafing dish," says Sharon, "and you're supposed to tell her thanks, from my mom." How neighborly. Angela reveals that her mom is going to pick her up any minute to get a flu shot, and Sharon winces and says she hates shots, and dude, how many sex metaphors does one episode need? Soon, Angela will drive Jordan's car into a tunnel towards an oncoming train while eating a hot dog and getting a flu shot through a donut. What, that's not the version you've seen? Sars must have given me the director's cut. Anyway, before Sharon leaves, Angela says, "So you and Kyle broke up. Was there, like, as reason?" Sharon ponders for a moment before replying, "I guess I would have to was my beliefs. I didn't think I should have to give up my beliefs even for Kyle." Angela smiles with relief and gratitude, deluded for the moment into thinking she's not setting herself up to be called "abnormal" later in this episode, while AVO sighs, "So, Sharon had beliefs. Sharon had decided to stay a virgin." Angela now wants strategy tips: "So how did you, just, like, told him? That you didn't wanna, like, you know...have sex with him? No matter how much he was, like, expecting it?" Sharon is perplexed: "Oh, no. No, no, we had sex. I just had a belief that he was being a butthead, which was true." Angela does a classic double take, and is all, "You had, like, intercourse?" Sharon's all, "Like, constantly." Man, who remembers that moment? The moment you found out one or more good friends of yours, all of whom you assumed were still virgins like you, had been having mad crazy sex all the time for months? With your mom? Who remembers that? I guess just me.

At the hospital, Danielle has just had her flu shot, and Patty is ushering Angela in for her turn. Danielle tells her it doesn't even hurt that much, but then, what's a flu shot needle compared to Jordan Catalano's love-syringe-stick-shift-car-needle? Right? Anyway, Angela's doctor is like, "Something is very wrong. You seem to have become fifteen years old." Angela laughs politely. Then she tries to find a way to ask a question while crawling down into her own torso and eating her organs: "Dr. Skolnik. If I had a question...a medical question, for a research project for school? It's a question about...percentages? Of what's normal. You know, in terms of what people actually do. I mean, people my age. I just need to see some statistics." Dr. Skolnik, despite the fact that Angela has been so vague that she could be asking about anything, has been around a while, and knows what's what. "Angela," she says, "I think I know what you're asking me. And as someone who's known you for several years now, I'm always here, if you need to talk. But as your doctor...I urge you, please...Angela...use a condom and a sponge." This is not what Angela wanted to hear. She wants her doctor to forbid sex, so she can use that as her last line of defense against the encroaching Catalassanova. But no such luck. She's on her own.

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My So-Called Life




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