My So-Called Life

Episode Report Card
Key Grip: D | 4 USERS: A+

Angela's room. Rayanne is saying, "You should consider having your lips frosted permanently." Angela says they feel like they were, and Rayanne's all, "They look all, like, used. But in a good way." Angela tells Rayanne that she should keep the news of boiler room trysts on the down low, and gives her the totally good reason, "Because he, like, doesn't want people to know about us, yet, or something." Rayanne tells Angela she's being controlled, and I should also point out that Rayanne is wearing some bizarre get-up which includes a backwards cap and a thousand or so beads. Anyway, Angela protests that Rayanne has made out with guys in the boiler room, like, hundreds of times (nice), but Rayanne points out that, "I am not you. Because as I have stated a hundred times, I do not get my emotions involved. I am the type of person that can handle the boiler room. You are not."

Rayanne sneaks out the back door, being careful not to be observed by Patty and her father, who have just come in the front. I guess Rayanne's still on the blacklist for that whole alcohol poisoning thing. Anyway, Dad is being irritating, pointing out creaky spots in the floor and whatnot, and asks contemptuously, "Where's Mr. Fix-It tonight?" Patty says that he's taking class, and her father says, "A class? In what?" This does not really convey the tone of these questions, however, which indicate that he assumes it's a class in being a loser and ruining Patty's life or something. Why are grandparents on TV always so immediately negative about everything their grown-up kids do? I guess I'll find out some day. Of course, the true answer to his question only feeds into his contempt, so Patty snarks, "It happens to be a very advanced class, for very advanced cooks." Blah blah blah your-husband-is-a-deadbeat-cakes. "Get one of those...what are they called..." says Dad. "Marriage counselors?" Bwa ha ha! If Patty only knew. "No, no. Headhunters. Someone to get him a job so he can stop sponging off his wife." Patty says, "This is between me and Graham, okay? Please? You don't know all the particulars." As if that's supposed to stop your folks from meddling. Luckily, Dad says something idiotic, so I can close the recap of this scene with a good joke: "I'm your father, that's the particulars. And you deserve better." Okay, let's think about that statement for a moment. Hmmm. Yes. She does deserve a better father. Shut up, Patty's Dad.

Cooking class. A bunch of mortified looking adults sit around, waiting for the apparently absent Stefan Dieter. Graham is sitting next to a fidgety woman, who says to him, "Well, this utterly sucks. I hate waiting. My fiancé says I have the shortest attention span known to man. Gum? Breath mint? Well, we're off to swell start, aren't we? The teacher being fourteen minutes late. Hey, doesn't this remind you of one of those Twilight Zone episodes? They thought they'd signed up for an ordinary cooking class. Little did they know they'd be forced to make awkward conversation with fourteen strangers for all eternity. No wait, wait, one of those human behavior experiments, where they determine how long it takes before we turn into Lord of the Flies?" Well, she's certainly on her way to conversing for all eternity, but all Graham says during this avalanche is, "Awkward pause." Then she says, to the whole room: "Um, I say we give him five minutes and then, mutiny, take over the stove, are you with me?" Everyone looks at each other like, "Who is this crazy bitch?" And she's still talking: "Um, maybe we should, um, all go around the room and, um, say why we're here. I'll start. Um. My fiancé hates my cooking. Now you know everything. Next?" She slaps Graham on the back, and he looks at her with wide-eyed annoyance, like, "Who is this crazy whom I am strangely drawn?"

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My So-Called Life




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