My So-Called Life
Why Jordan Can't Read

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Duh squared

Shouts-out to Key Grip, Wendola, and Wing Chun -- and to squirt, for realizing that we'd spazzed and accidentally skipped this ep.

Go, now. Go.

Fade up on "Teen" Angela Chase lying all broodily in bed as AVO intones, "Love...is when you look into someone's eyes...and suddenly you go all the way inside, to their soul." Different shot of Angela, expectant now. AVO: "And you both know...instantly." Shot of Angela laughing flirtatiously to herself. AVO always imagined she would fall in love "nursing a blind soldier, who was wounded in battle." Shot of Angela looking like she might weep. AVO: "Or maybe while rescuing someone in the middle of a blizzard, seconds before the avalanche hits." You know, as a teenager, I had little falling-in-love daydream scenarios just like Angela's; in my case, they came from believing unconsciously that it would require extraordinary circumstances for a man to fall in love with me, and I wonder if that's what's going on with Angela and her Florence Nightingale/St. Bernard fantasies. Just when you think you've caught every nuance of a MSCL episode, there's another one, waiting for you.

Anyway. Angela gazes out her window. AVO comments wearily that she thought, by the age of fifteen, she'd have a love life, "but I don't even have a like life." Girl, get in line. Focus-pull shot through tree branches of the full moon outside.

Cut to the master bathroom at Chase Place; we enter in medias...reeee-ee-eeees (tm Mr. Katimski), with "Fatty Boom" Patty brushing her teeth and "Micro" Graham Chase flossing and asking, "And -- so, then what'd he say?" Patty stares at herself in the mirror and says she thinks she's coming down with something. Graham dismisses this, saying that she's just tired. A mild verbal scuffle follows. Patty notes that she's gained seven pounds, then asks if she seems "bloated" to Graham. Graham wisely opts not to touch that one. Patty asks, "What day is it?" "Thursday." "No, I mean the date." Okay, we've all seen a TV show before, so I'll cut to the, er, chase: Patty thinks she's maybe pregnant.

Cut to a baroque reproduction of some sort of archangel, then swoop down to Angela looking restless in a museum as AVO says, "Field trips are so intense. It's like everybody's been let out of their cages or something, and we're all roaming around...loose." Rayanne "Frank" Graff and "Darling" Rickie Vasquez fall in behind Angela; meanwhile, the geometry teacher sprints from group to group of students, reminding each of them to "stay with the group," including Brian "Step On A" Krakow "Break Your Mother's Back." Angela makes a snarky comment, then wonders what would have happened if Amelia Earhart had stayed with the group. "Or Diana Ross," Rickie chimes in.

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My So-Called Life

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