My So-Called Life
Why Jordan Can't Read

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Duh squared

Jordan doesn't get it: "Before what?" "Before we can go to the movie," Angela says, losing steam. Then we have to watch it dawning on Jordan that this isn't just a casual hang, but rather a date, but he agrees to it anyway, which prompts Angela to start rambling about his coming by that night to get it over with, and then they can go to the movie after that, like, whenever, like, Angela, stop, I am begging you, I can't take it, button press it press the button! OFARLB snits, "Catalano! Let's go!" Angela, THE. BUTTON. No, no such luck. Angela, in a strangled, stressy voice: "So I mean would you wanna do that, like, tonight, say around seven-thirty?" Jordan's body language has gone all "don't fence me in" as he says, "Yeah. Sure. Whenever," and takes off. Angela smiles, but as soon as he's gone her face collapses and she scuttles off. OFARLB: "What was that about?" Jordan: "Shut up." Dude, kill me now.

Patty and Graham kvetch about having to meet a boyfriend of Angela's "so soon." Graham gets out the crudités -- oh my holy god, could the whole Chase family just chill? He's not asking for her hand. Put the celery away -- and snipes at Patty for the ground-rules thing, and she snipes back through a mouthful of chocolate and blah blah, and then the doorbell rings, and Patty quickly rubs her teeth and arranges her face in a smile before opening the door on...Brian. Patty says, literally, that it's "only Brian" and yells up to Angela that Brian's there, and Angela comes flying down wearing some kind of green doily-ish thing with her hair all curled and hands him his copy of Malcolm X, and then she starts nervously futzing around in the living room while I curl up in the fetal position next to my desk because she's so obviously setting herself up for a fall here. Brian asks, "How come you look like that?" Angela, self-consciously: "Like what?" Patty offers Brian a drink. Graham remarks that he definitely needs a drink. Yeah, a gimlet would go down really well right now, Graham, if you wouldn't mind. Danielle whatever. Brian meanly tells Angela that she looks like she's "going to a costume party as someone else." Danielle whatever. Angela snots that Jordan Catalano "is coming over, so," and Brian is all, "The hell?" and Angela gets all defensive and brushes past him, and Danielle whatever, and Patty and Graham try to get Danielle out of there as Brian snarks that he doesn't disapprove, he's "just sickened," and asks if she and Jordan "are like a couple now," and Angela seals her doom by snapping, "Yes! Why is that so hard to accept?" Then she totally burns Brian by saying that she and Jordan are probably going to go see The Bicycle Thief that weekend. Brian blows his top, asking if Angela thinks Jordan will understand "one word" of The Bicycle Thief, and Angela tells Brian, in a voice filled with the loathing of knowing someone else has a point, to "shut up," but Brian goes on to point out that she only understands the movie because Brian explained it to her in the first place, and Angela deems this "such a lie," and Brian calls Jordan an "idiot," and Angela squalls, "Don't you dare call him that!" She gets right up in his face and snarls, "You don't know, you don't understand -- not for one second! You think you understand, but you don't, you just analyze everything until it barely even exists!" Bitter irony, table for two. Brian tries to interrupt a couple of times, but he can't get the words out. When Angela finishes burning his house down, the two of them stare at each other in disgust. Then they stomp off in different directions.

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My So-Called Life

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