Mr. Turtle shows up at the trailer, and Earl finds a secret message from Darnell inside the turtle food, so he heads off to deliver Mr. Turtle to Darnell -- or, as Mr. Turtle knows him (according to Randy), "Mr. Human." Earl leaves Randy back in Camden, setting off our two worlds of the episode (as long as Joy and Darnell are living in Coto de Caza, it seems every episode will take place in two worlds).
Randy ends up sad and lonely. One of the new customers at the Crab Shack -- as run (fabulously) by Kenny -- sees Randy and thinks he just broke up with his boyfriend. He takes this opportunity to ask Randy on a date. Randy, being naïve, thinks this friendly man is just being a big brother-type to him. They end up sleeping in the same bed for three nights -- but, really, just sleeping -- until Earl comes home. Randy's fill-in brother/boyfriend thinks Randy's boyfriend's back, and he sneaks out the window, cursing himself for thinking he could fix a broken heart.
Meanwhile, Earl shows up in Coto, and is greeted by Joy. She's having a hard time fitting in with the Real Housewives, because they think she's trailer trash. She wants Earl to get lost so he doesn't ruin her chances at making friends with the blonde, plastic surgery poster children. Unfortunately, Earl blinds a Pomeranian with his exhaust, takes it to the vet, and then returns it to Joy's neighbor. He tells her about karma, and she wants to know more. She invites him in and introduces him to the ladies, who love him. Joy uses this as her opportunity, and says he's her friend. He teaches them about karma, and they think this means fancy pools and jets and better boobs. He freaks out after promising them karma will deliver these things. Luckily, they wake up the next morning after their first good night of sleep in as long as they can remember, and that's all they needed to realize Earl and his karma worked. He heads back to Camden, happy knowing he brought Joy a step closer to being a Real Housewife her own self. Oh, and he never sees Darnell, and we didn't even get to see the reunion between Mr. Human and Mr. Turtle. What a let-down.
Earl and Randy are enjoying having their own beds in the trailer, since Joy and Darnell are still in witness protection. Make that: Earl is enjoying having his own bed, which Randy joins him in when he has a nightmare. It's a waterbed, so you can just imagine how it moves when Randy hops in. Earl yells at him, but Randy says there's a scary, scratchy noise. They debate whether it's a bush against the door or the Showercap Killer. Then they laugh at their impersonations of a lady who got her tongue cut out by the killer. Then they realize that could be them, and they head to the door, where they find... Mr. Turtle. Who would have thought a turtle could scratch loud enough for Randy to hear in his sleep?
Voiceover Earl tells us, as we flashback, what Mr. Turtle's been doing since Joy lost him off her car roof: He escaped from pet-loving nudists (turtle on the beach with bare human legs, and a bikini top lands on him). He "participated" in his first marathon (turtle walking down the street as legs with running shoes run by). He got into a little trouble with drugs and alcohol (turtle on his back in what looks like an alley, with pill bottles and a tequila bottle empty next to him; and sirens are heard in the background). He saw some things he shouldn't have seen (turtle in a dark street when we hear gunshots). He even took a lover (turtle love). But now he found his way back.
Earl and Randy welcome him home, and Earl breaks the news that Joy, Darnell and the kids are in witness protection, and we'll never see them again. The turtle looks exactly the same as always, but Randy says, "He's freaking out." Earl agrees, and wants to put him into his fish tank until he calms down. Randy tells Earl to hold on, as he has some unfinished business. He flicks Mr. Turtle, and says that was for ruining Randy's chances with the girl at the Crab Shack Christmas party. But we don't get a flashback to that one, even though I very much would like to know what that's about. ...And we get the My Name Is Earl opening.
Earl's at the Crab Shack, which now has a pretty even mix of its old clientele and gays drinking martinis. Kenny, behind the bar, brings a coaster for Mr. Turtle, since he just waxed the bar. Earl can't believe Kenny works here, but Kenny explains he's just picking up a few shifts while Darnell's gone (read: forever!). Catalina suggests Earl try something off Kenny's new martini menu, on which everything is named after Sex and the City characters. This is another completely irrelevant moment for Catalina, and I'd normally complain, but since it leads to something that's actually funny, I'll just shut up for now (though you know I will live to complain about the mishandling of Catalina for another week). Kenny bets Earl's a Carrie and runs off to make a drink.