Survivor
Nacho Momma

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Throw Momma from the Tribe

Last week on Survivor: sixteen strangers jumped off a boat and splashed about in a panic. Then, no one gave them any food. Also, Hunter emerged as the "disputed leader" of the Maraamu tribe, while Kathy emerged as the undisputed bossy bitch of Rotu. Peachy voice-overs that a "fatal mistake" cost Maraamu the challenge, but no one died, so really it was just a "mistake." Then Peter Pandit got voted off for blathering on about -- amongst other things -- his asshole. Fifteen remain.

It's Night 3 at Rotu and a crab scuttles by the light of the slivery moon. A night-vision shot reveals that the tribe has formed a backrub chain; they agree to give each other massages every night. The group ogles the stars in a very sparkly sky, and then a ridiculous star shoots across it. The Moppet tells us in a confessional that he loves being in Rotu, loves the spirit of his tribemates, and loves "how they decide to interact with each other in positive ways." As the tribe snuggles up with each other for the night, we hear Paschal say that any one of the group could win, and it would please him. It would not, however, please him if they danced lewdly while doing so. We see that the tribemates are all holding hands while sleeping in their semi-shelter, and The Moppet comments, "This is most definitely the love shack for our little love tribe." Pause, wherein I feel A Big But coming on. That's "but," not "butt." The Moppet says that Kathy isn't trying to get along with the others and "be one of" them. We see her raking the fire and looking typically pissed off as The Moppet tells us that Kathy sleeps alone by the fire.

A rooster crows at night, and then a rooster crows at daybreak, and now it's morning at Rotu. The Moppet preaches to Tammy that being on Survivor is about being part of a group -- particularly in the beginning, he thinks, because first impressions are the most important. He complains that Kathy sleeps by herself, and points out that she's even separated herself right now by fishing alone. Tammy tries to interject something about there being an "unwritten rule," but she trails off, and The Moppet continues his rant.

We then join Kathy, who's hunched over the water rooting among the rocks. She tells us that it's the fourth day, and that the tribe doesn't have food but that "the ocean has food in it!" She says she knows food is available to them, but that she's never before in her life looked under a rock to find it. Kathy's delivery is incredibly grating; she's swiftly rising to Jerri Manthey status and will soon -- a feat I never thought possible -- surpass it. Kathy insists that if she finds food, she will gain some "credibility" so that "maybe [Rotu will] listen to [her] when [she tells] them it's gonna rain." Because it's never occurred to the others that it might rain in the thirty-nine days they're out there. In the case of severe drought, Mark Burnett will certainly have the crew dump some bucketfuls over their shelters in the middle of the night. Kathy insists that they'll be miserable in that "terrible hut," which explains why she's out looking for food instead of trying to improve the shelter. I can think of no clever term for summing up more perfectly exactly what Kathy is: a big fat know-it-all.

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Survivor

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