Nashville Star

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What If It All Goes...Snore

The three contestants stand with Billy Ray, who is about to axe one of them. Yes, it's the dreaded penultimate elimination! Everyone looks nervous. The contestant who received the fewest votes last week and will be eliminated right now is...is...is...is...Shawn Mayer. Aw, poopmeister. Billy Ray asks Shawn if she would have done anything differently. Shawn clearly would not have done a thing differently. She notes that Miranda Lambert got third place during her Nashville Star season, so maybe that's a sign. We have a Shawntage, tracing her journey from the rough early days to the flat notes in the middle of the season, to the emotional meltdowns. It's a true triumph of the spirit. Seriously, though, Shawn was totally my favorite contestant. Jeffrey is very proud of her, and tells her that this was a stepping stone for her. I do hope she finds some success, and maybe some vocal lessons en route. She climbed a mountain and she turned around, but that's okay.

And then we are treated to a Gabe/Melissa duet... of "I've Had the Time of My Life"!!!!!! HA!!!!!!! This is for sure a moment created by the magic of Vicodin. DO THE LIFT!!!!!!!! DO THE LIFT!!!!!!!!!! In truth, I can't tell you if they did the lift or not because I fell asleep for a while in the middle of that number. I mean, they sound great, but it's all just so freaking boring. There are countless great country duets, and they picked the freaking Dirty Dancing number. At the very least bust out some "Jackson," mofos.

When we return, we get a Melissa video montage. Melissa has a lot of kids, and crazy eyes, and a lot of ambition. After popping out babies for all that time, you can see that she might want something more. Conveniently, she sings "Something More" by Sugarland. She sounds amazing. Jewel loves how Melissa hollows her face out and uses her tone. Yeah, me too. Jeffrey asks Melissa how she's feeling, then answers for her that she's feeling numb. Jeffrey tells her that she did a great job, and he's proud of her. John Rich says that you can't practice and become the kind of singer that Melissa is. It's a God-given gift. It is true that you can't learn that. She's got a great voice.

Next up it's time for a Gabe video montage. Gabe likes to wear hats and necklaces and is very consistent and also Latino. He sings "Gone Country" by Alan Jackson, which sounds like every other song he's sung for the past eight weeks. He sounds great, too, and tries his hand at a little charisma. Jeffrey points out that Gabe already is country, and that he's one of the best voices on the show ever. John says that Gabe has done himself proud, his state proud, and his heritage proud. I think even Gabe is sick of John Rich pointing out that his got a little flava. Jewel is proud of Gabe, and says that there's a great future for him. And she wants to bone him in secret when her boyfriend is off riding a cow or whatever.

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Nashville Star

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