Justin Gaston is next. He's a part-time model. With those eyebrows? Oh, but then we see him on a modeling job with some tight-ass pants. Oooh, and then boxer briefs! All right, then. Justin is admittedly a mama's boy, which is kind of charming. He sings "Drops of Jupiter." Huh. Jewel totally wants to do him. The performance is pretty mediocre, though, even if he looks good. Billy Ray says he's never felt older or uglier than when he's standing next to Justin. NEVER? Don't make me do a Google Image search. Jeffrey did not like the performance at all. John Rich thought it was interesting to see that song done as a country song. Jewel pipes in that it was a bold choice. You know something is wrong in the formula when effing "She checks out Mozart while she does Tae Bo" is a bold choice. John says that the singing was shaky. Jewel thinks Justin needs a woodshed to practice in. I bet she does. As we are thrown to commercial, we get another shot of Jan from The Office. Not that I don't love her, but maybe they could get, like, one other network celebrity so she doesn't have to carry this weight all by her lonesome?
Finally, we have Melissa Lawson. If America's Next Top Model has taught us anything, it's that this is the year of the plus-sizers. Melissa might just be the dark horse, and I haven't even heard her sing yet! She's ancient at 32, apparently. That makes me, also 32, feel just awesome. We'll call it Billy Ray's Revenge. Melissa is also the mother of five! All boys. She knows she's no blonde bombshell, and wants to win to prove that you don't have to be a size six to be a superstar. She's ready to blow the doors off of this thing. She does "Something to Talk About," and has a touch of the crazy eyes herself. She overdoes it a little for my taste, but easily has the best voice of the solo female singers. The judges give her a standing ovation. Jewel thinks she's pretty bad-ass. Jeffrey agrees that she rose to the occasion. John Rich thinks that she's magnetic, and he can tell that she's doing this for her family, for real. He guarantees that she's not going home. For sure. She was great.
We have a commercial break, and then it's time for elimination. This is the judges' elimination, as our votes clearly have not been counted yet! The judges have determined that the weakest two were Charley and Alyson. I never thought that anyone would make me miss Ryan Seacrest, but Billy Ray has finally done it. He throws it to the judges to announce who gets the boot. Jeffrey votes for Charley to go home. John disagrees, and votes for Alyson and her crazy eyes to go home. This means it's up to Jewel. This is tearing her, tearing her, tearing her apart. She votes to send Charley home. He looks pretty shocked. He seems like a nice guy, so that sucks. He says that he loves country music, and he wishes all the other contestants the best of luck. After he's gone, Billy Ray reminds us that our votes will determine who's booted from now on. So get to calling, y'all!