Deacon's birthday is coming up, which prompts Jolene to suggest that they throw him a party. Juliette seizes upon this idea, because it's way easier to do than going to family therapy with MethMom's addiction counselor and reliving the tragic ninth birthday that ended in her almost letting her mother burn to death. Misty water colored memories! Deacon apparently hates parties and prefers to spend his birthday watching Old Yeller because, of course. But this does not deter Juliette, even though the addiction counselor thinks she might want to spend less time plotting parties for people who don't want them and more time giving a care about Jolene's sobriety.
Meanwhile, Rayna confronts Teddy about his affair with Peggy and about the fact that only a gigantic dickwad would let his daughter overhear him mumbling sweet nothings to his mistress over the phone. She then has to endure the onslaught of tabloids, paparazzi and strange looks when news of the divorce goes public. The gossip is that she slept with Deacon and Liam, which is technically not true, even though we all wanted it to be. News of Teddy's affair with Peggy hasn't seemed to reach the press (except for how it was in all the papers just months ago during his campaign!), and he grows yet another testicle as he announces that she will serve as "financial advisor" to his cabinet. And… REALLY? A fifth testicle drops as Teddy asks Cole to be his Deputy Mayor and announces his independence from Lamar's scheming ways. For a second I thought he might actually turn into a good mayor, but then realized that we're probably just setting the stage for Lamar to have him killed (a plot development of which I am wholeheartedly in favor).
In any case, Deacon totally likes his party despite making like he's a reclusive curmudgeon. Big country stars like Vince Gill and Pam Tillis are there, Scarlett and Gunnar sing a number and Avery is denied entrance. What could possibly go wrong, you ask? Well, for starters, someone hands Jolene a glass of champagne and she only pauses a moment before drinking. And then apparently she drinks a lot more, because she ends up wasted backstage. Juliette has to take her home and put her to bed, thus missing out on her chance to sing for Deacon and to enjoy life even for a night. Happily, Rayna is on hand to play her fabulous new song, which she dedicates to Deacon and which is pregnant with meaning, just like Rayna was once pregnant with Deacon's baby and then never told him about it. When the party is over they talk and hold hands and she tells him that she wants to do right by him, which apparently entails not doing him… at least for the time being. And then Juliette gives Deacon a puppy, because she is always full of bright ideas and excellent judgment. Really cute puppy, though.
And finally, in the most tragic of tragic events, Gunnar finds Jason's gun, confronts him about it, throws it in the river and kicks him out of the house. Jason is quite upset about Gunnar getting rid of the gun and it turns out he has good reason to be since at the end of the episode Gunnar has to identify his body. His DEAD body. Yes, Jason was beaten to death in an alley, which of course leaves Gunnar full of guilt and sadness. And what better way to relieve those terrible emotions than for Scarlett to bone him? Does this mean they're going to be boyfriend-squirrelfriend now? Can he finally walk around the house nekkid?
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Previously: We met Jason, Gunnar's kind of hot gun-toting-parole-violating brother. So did Scarlett, who reluctantly allowed him to stay at their place. Teddy asked Rayna for a divorce and soon after Maddie heard him whispering beret-topped sweet nothings to Peggy on the phone. She told Rayna that Teddy was still having sexual relations with "that woman," which did not appear to go over all that well with the Queen of Country. Juliette took control of her career with an epic tantrum, causing Glenn to quit. And then she asked her mom, who will be freshly out of rehab, to come and relapse -- er, I mean live -- with her for a while.
We enter at the conclusion of what looks like a major shopping bender for Juliette, and are left to assume that she paid for everything this time. Jolene asks if she should be spending so much money, and Juliette rolls her eyes before asking her manager. Since Glenn quit, that manager appears to be the voices in her head. They are always so agreeable! Emily and a security guy are there, apparently to carry Juliette's bags and also to check her calendar. It turns out that Deacon's birthday is on Monday. Jolene thinks it would be fun if they planned a party for him and offers to help. Juliette is like, "Yeah, great idea pillhead," which is exactly the right instinct. She then admits, however, that the idea has some merit after all.
We cut to Rayna paying Teddy a visit at the Mayor's office. His aide calls her both the first lady and "Mrs. Conrad," which has to sting. It might get her back for all the times he's been called, "Mr. Jaymes," though. Once the door is closed, Rayna wastes no time in asking Teddy if he's staying at Peggy's place now that he's moved out, given that she knows he's boning her. Teddy is indignant as he says that his personal life isn't her concern anymore. Okay, retract exactly one testicle there, dude. It is TOTALLY her concern! They have kids! One of whom overheard Teddy on the phone saying, "It feels right to be with you, making sweet love as a beret sits atop your angelic head." Teddy, at least, seems to feel like a little bit of a dick upon hearing that Maddie knows, and Rayna tells him that even though she tried to explain the situation the best she could, she's not covering for him with the girls like she did with the press. And that brings up another whole element of this situation, which is that Rayna, Lamar and Tandy all know that Teddy embezzled a whole mess of money with the woman he is currently boning to increase his self-confidence. Strategically, he might want to be a little more conciliatory. Teddy reminds Rayna that Maddie and Daphne are his daughters too (or at least one of them is!) and she leaves with an angry, "Well keep your girlfriend away from them." And her little beret too!