I Fall to Pieces

Episode Report Card
Potes: B+ | 80 USERS: A-
Orange is the New (Man in) Black

Which is Rayna in a coma! It's an induced one, since the doctors are worried about brain damage, what with the potential for dangerous gray matter swelling. Tandy and the girls are by her bedside, and we learn that it's been two weeks since the accident. And it's sort of a statement about my life right now that I just had the thought that a two-week coma would be really relaxing. I'm sure many of you can relate. Wake me up after The Real Housewives of New Jersey reunion, thanks. The girls want to stay with Rayna, and Tandy says that she'll check with Teddy. Maddie looks particularly forlorn, likely because she's never seen her mother's hair look so limp and lifeless and oily. Of all the traumatic things in this episode, Connie Britton's coma hair is the most upsetting.

Cut to Deacon, in a courtroom, wearing an effing orange jumpsuit with his arm in a sling. He's being charged with driving under the influence and reckless driving. But not WRECK-less driving, har har. Also, wait, he wasn't driving! Teddy is sitting in the audience (I know it's not REALLY an audience, but what do you call the people who just watch a court case?) and is peeved at the notion of Deacon getting out of there while Rayna fights for her life. Teddy's position -- which is helped by the fact that he's the mayor -- has been made quite clear to the judge. But he really shouldn't have bothered throwing his weight/dick around. When told that his bail will be set at $1 million, Deacon forgoes his right to an attorney. He doesn't even want to represent himself -- he just wants to plead guilty. The judge reminds him that if Rayna dies the charges will be upped to involuntary manslaughter, and advises him to say yes to a lawyer. But Deacon just wants to rot in prison, because self-flagellation is his real drug of choice. As he exits the courtroom, he gives Teddy a lingering look chock full of sexual tension. No, kidding, it's just chock full of despair, per usual. And the judge never pounded his gavel and yelled, "Order in the court!" which I find very anti-climactic.

Meanwhile, Juliette watches a news story about how Rayna's foray into critical condition has shot her to the top of the country charts. She's REALLY concerned about Rayna's health. Ha! No, just kidding. Glenn -- who apparently is her manager again -- approaches, and Juliette says with distress that her album drops tomorrow, and it's hard to compete with a saint in a coma. She wants the release pushed back and orders Glenn to call Marshall. But, says Glenn, Marshall isn't in charge anymore. Edgehill Records has been subsumed by a big conglomerate (with a hotter label head) and their board doesn't give a damn about Juliette's attempts to bust out of the tween market. Until they name a new president, there's no one that Juliette can verbally abuse, which aggrieves her greatly. There's apparently an album launch concert planned for the following day, which Glenn thinks is a bad idea. Between Jolene's death and Rayna's coma and her general un-hinged quality, Glenn thinks that Juliette needs a break. She does not agree, and the only thing that can break her out of her crazy mood is an interview with a new hottie potential assistant. Yes, Emily has been thrown over for a bone-able character. Glenn tries to give Juliette a little grief for focusing on how her album will chart at this point in her disastrous life, and she just glares at him.

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