I'll Never Get Out of This World Alive

Episode Report Card
Potes: A- | 11 USERS: A
Four(teen) Tragedies and a Funeral
In a hurry? Read the recaplet for a nutshell description!

Previously: Jolene got real, real high and shot Dante so she could pat down his corpse and get an SD card with Juliette's sex tape on it. Scarlett bailed Gunnar out of jail before basically telling him she was all set with his outlaw fakery and, perhaps, their relationship. Ooooh, and many episodes ago Rayna and Deacon had it out on his steps, and she reminded him of the days when she had to drag him out of hotel rooms because he was so wasted she didn't know if he was dead. Foreshadowing alert! Maddie found a paternity test indicating that Teddy was not her father. What could be worse than that, you may wonder? How about: being Juliette, who found her mom dead from an overdose on the couch.

We open in the court house, where a police detective tells Juliette that they're still going through Jolene's apartment and will hopefully find something to shed some light on what happened. He confirms that they found Oxy in the apartment, as well as a few vials of coke on Dante. The guy adds that Dante turned out to be a pretty lousy sober companion. And a pretty lousy human, I would add. The detective thinks that the murder-suicide might have been a drug deal gone bad or, more likely, a lovers' quarrel. Juliette, who is red-eyed, puffy-faced and without makeup, says that she wasn't aware of a romantic relationship between the two but wouldn't put it past them. She learns that, with the autopsy complete, Jolene's body will be released to the funeral home, and then walks out into a swarm of paparazzi.

At home, Rayna cooks with the girls and turns off the news report about the "drug-fueled murder-suicide." She says that it's awful, and Daphne adds that she feels sorry for Juliette. Rayna notes that no matter how old you are, it's a terrible thing to lose your mother. A sullen Maddie adds, "OR YOUR FATHER." Um, hint. Rayna, who apparently has not discovered the busted-open box of secrets in the bottom of her closet, says that the girls won't be losing her or Teddy anytime soon. Daphne guesses that Juliette won't go to the CMAs, which allows Rayna to segue into an awkward family conversation. She says that "Uncle Deacon" has asked her to go as his date to the CMAs because they're seeing each other. Cute-as-ever Daphne asks if that means he's her boyfriend, and Rayna says that they care a lot about each other, so she guesses so. Daphne adds a very teenage, "Duuuuhhhh." Rayna wants to know how the girls feel about this news, especially since they'll be photographed and whatnot at the CMAs. They both say that they like Deacon, though Maddie is of course more sullen about it. She tells Daphne that Rayna and Deacon used to date. Daphne asks when they dated, and Maddie pipes in with, "Right before she married dad." Rayna gives her a little look and sends them off to school, but neglects to run to the bottom shelf of her closet and get wise to what's actually going on here. Context clues, people! Use them!

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