I'll Never Get Out of This World Alive

Episode Report Card
Potes: A- | 11 USERS: A
Four(teen) Tragedies and a Funeral

And then Teddy gets a call from his improbably named old pal, Dashell Brinks. These two totally have fond circle jerk memories from their time at boarding school. But this call is all business. Dash is with the US Attorney's Office, and needs to talk to Teddy about a federal audit of the Music City Credit Union, specifically a loan for the Cumberland Plaza project. And with that, the 23 testicles that Teddy has grown since cancelling Lamar's contracts with the city instantly recede. Dash asks for a time when they can speak in person, and Teddy tells him to set up an appointment with his assistant. Ruh roh!

And then Deacon opens his door to find Maddie waiting. He looks around to see if Rayna's there, but Maddie has apparently gotten herself there via cab. A distraught Maddie looks at Deacon and, with just a little hesitation, tells him that she thinks he's her father. Deacon says, "...What?" And... credits!

With that, we're at the CMA Awards. We hear an announcement saying that Rayna and Brad Paisley are up next, but Rayna is preoccupied with the fact that she doesn't know where Deacon is. He was supposed to pick her up but didn't. Bucky says that Deacon's a pro and will be there. Rayna adds that Deacon was also supposed to be her date, leading Bucky to wonder if she seriously wants to go public with the relationship. She says she was, but guesses Deacon is not. Meanwhile, OMG, Rayna's boobs are EVERYWHERE. Deacon is doubly missing out.

And then Gunnar shows up at Scarlett's (and his, though maybe for not much longer) apartment with calla lilies, knowing that she doesn't like roses. She tells him not to do this, but he says that he knows he took the image thing way too far and came clean with the producer about stealing the lyrics and also not being anything near to an outlaw. He wants to forget that all of this unpleasantness ever happened, but Scarlett tells him that he can't just walk in with pretty flowers and his hair combed right and expect everything to go back to normal. He asks what more she wants, and she says she doesn't know what she wants... in a grander sense. She adds that she's not even sure what they had. And, I mean... he went crazy for, like, one week. He WAS the giant-est of douches, though, so maybe she has a point. Anyway, she's on her way out the door to see an "old friend" play at 7th and Fogg. Gunnar stands there with an, "Oh, shit" look as she walks out the door.

And then we're backstage at the CMAs, in Juliette's dressing room. She's there all dolled up as Marshall walks in with Glenn. Marshall asks how she's holding up, and a dead-eyed Juliette says that she's fine. He then asks if she's sure, which pisses her off. She also wonders what Glenn is doing there. He shakes his head -- his new toupee shows itself to be secured quite tightly. He tells her that she shouldn't do this. She wants everyone to get out of her dressing room, but Marshall worries that she's not in the right head space for a big ole' awards ceremony. She then gets reeeeaaaaaal crazy-sounding (so crazy she even loses her accent in an extended monologue!) as she says that her mother was the drug addict murderer, and not her. Jolene has taken enough of her life, and she's not going to take this award-winning moment from Juliette, despite the high likelihood that she'll have a meltdown on live TV. Glenn says he knows exactly how hard Juliette fought, and what she had to fight against. He doesn't want her to jeopardize it all by going out onstage in her current state, and tells her she has to take time to grieve. Juliette then gets reeeeaaaaal REAL crazy-looking as she yells that she should be celebrating, because it's finally over. Everyone looks very uncomfortable and Juliette realizes that she took it a step too far. She turns around to look at Glenn and says she didn't mean that. Though, really, you couldn't blame her if she did. Glenn wants to take Juliette home. She tells him no, but says she'll go. Emily escorts her out the door.

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