I'll Never Get Out of This World Alive

Episode Report Card
Potes: A- | 11 USERS: A
Four(teen) Tragedies and a Funeral

We then see Gunnar walking into Will's apartment -- which has SO much wood paneling and looks completely different than the apartment of Scarlett and Gunnar just below him. And speaking of wood, Will is in bed banging the chick from earlier underneath a giant Texas flag. And... wait. Does he have a bed that folds up into the closet, like Laverne and Shirley? Gunnar, having seen Will's stereotype-defying apartment already, is more taken aback by the banging-a-chick part of this situation. When said unwitting beard is off getting dressed, Gunnar asks Will what's up with all the girls. He says, "I thought you said you were..." and Will finishes with, "Gonna be the next big thing in country music? Damn right I am." Does he... picture himself accepting a CMA Award to get it up? This is clearly a tragic situation, though we DO get to see Chris Carmack shirtless, so in the end I'll chalk it up as a win. When unwitting beard is back, Gunnar introduces himself and Will lets out the news that he saw Scarlett with Avery. Gunnar is clearly taken aback, but not so much so as when he sits down on Will's bed after he and the beard leave (to either go to dinner OR catch a screening of Behind the Candelabra -- it's not totally clear) and pops up like he got bit by a cootie.

Back at the CMAs, Brad Paisley gives Rayna a big hug and asks how he's supposed to sing when she's wearing her sparkly bustier. It does give new meaning to when she talks about "my girls." She tosses her head back and is all, "A ha ha haha," which is weird. Probably she's concerned about Deacon, who manages to show up just in time to go on stage. Rayna asks what happened with the whole picking-me-up-for-our-big-date thing, and Deacon says he got waylaid before rushing off. Even Brad Paisley notices that something's wrong, though Bucky brushes it off. On stage, Rayna and Brad sing "Accidental Racist," with Coleman doing the LL Cool J part. No, kidding, they sing Rayna's new song, "Bitter Memory." Rayna's bitter memory should be putting the results of that paternity test in a not very secure box in the bottom of her closet rather than in a shredder. She keeps looking back at Deacon while singing, but all he can muster is a surly glare. Eventually this performance will be a bitter memory, too.

Oh God, and then it all starts. Help, I don't want to relive it. But I must, as my professional duty. Rayna's getting changed backstage, and Deacon comes in and asks for a minute with her. He's so preoccupied that he doesn't even realize how foxy she looks and instantly start making out with her, as he should. He gets straight to it, saying that Maddie came to see him and wants to know if he's her father. Deacon wants Rayna to tell him that it's not true, and she hasn't been lying to him every moment of the last thirteen years. Rayna wants Deacon to tell her that he knows how to do basic addition and subtraction and at least had an inkling. And ALSO to tell her that what he told her in the limo about her being allowed to keep all the secrets that she wants because he doesn't care is true.

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