I've Been Down that Road Before

Episode Report Card
Potes: A+ | 5 USERS: A
Love in an Elevator
e time. He deserves happiness, she says, and someone to tell him that she believes in him, and always has. He shouldn't have to work so hard to try to make someone love him. Peggy has really nailed the fact that the way to seduce Teddy is not through overt sexuality, but through attempts to repair his eviscerated self-confidence and have his balls drop at least a quarter inch out of his body. He just wants someone to like him, you guys. It's preferable if that person also is blind to the fact that he's kind of a chump. Peggy pats his hand and starts to get out of the car. But then Teddy grabs her hand and squeezes it before pulling her to him and laying one on her. They get involved in some closed-lip makeout fun times, and we get insight into why Rayna and Teddy probably haven't had sex in seven years. Meanwhile, these two have learned absolutely nothing about how you're supposed to conduct shady and secretive dealings in non-public places.

And then we're with the host of Star Towns, who is walking next to Avery and talking for the camera all about how he's taking the alt-country world by storm. He walks by his and Scarlett's old place (which is of course still Scarlett's current home), and calls it the best place he ever lived. While the crew films B-roll of Avery walking by, a forest vole in a scraggly weave and oversized sweater sticks its head out the window and yells, "Avery?" Avery tells the film crew that this is his ex-girlfriend Scarlett, who is an incredible musician. He adds that they are still great friends, which is proven to be a bit of an overstatement as Scarlett comes and scowls at him while telling the crew to point their "thingy" in the other direction since she's not signing any releases. He should be glad for that, since she wants the money that he owes her, and he is a complete dick to her in response. She makes it clear that she's unimpressed by the film crew before calling him pathetic and walking away.

Back in Chicago, Deacon enters the elevator to find Rayna standing there, alone but for another froofy blouse. Sometimes she really does have the weirdest fashion choices. If I am ever a country star, I sure hope I don't start wearing sheer ruffles down the front of me all the time. Rayna greets Deacon, and he literally won't even say hi to her. But Rayna tries again, asking in a super cute way what's going on with Scarlett and saying that she got her demo from Watty. She adds that Scarlett got all of Deacon's talent, and he scowls in response, probably because that isn't much of a compliment. And finally Rayna can't help herself. She asks if Deacon is having fun on the tour before adding, "I never thought I'd see the day you'd be singing 'Boys and Buses' with Juliette Barnes day in and day out, but you know life never ceases to amaze." Five million points for that, seriously.

Meanwhile, Gunnar is looking a little peaked at the Bluebird -- something having to do with his asshole roommates and a blowhorn at 3 AM. Scarlett has a potential solution to this problem. Yes, you guessed it, she's proposing that he moves in with her, at least temporarily. Have these two forgotten all their weird sexual tension of just, like, two episodes ago? Are they going to ask Hailey if she wants to rent a room, too? Will Mr. and Mrs. Roper drop by unexpectedly to act scandalized by their hijinks? Scarlett proposes rules: Gunnar won't walk around nekkid and she won't play the banjo in the shower OR let her kinfolk eat his stash of acorns. Scarlett is ostensibly fine if Gunnar wants to bring a girl home (or two girls in his dreams), and he is ostensibly fine (YEAH RIGHT) if she wants to bring a guy home. This is all going to go GREAT, I'm sure.

We then cut to Chicago, where Juliette storms on stage in just jeans and a white button down shirt, much to Glenn's dismay. When Rayna asks what Juliette is doing, Glenn surmises that she's having a nervous breakdown in front of 10,000 people. But actually she's quoting her good friend Deacon Claybourne, who is an aficionado of just doing it, and bringing him up to perform an acoustic version of their new song, "Consider Me." And the real problem with Juliette's new bid for credibility is that she sounds SO much better on the pop drivel. Something about the slower, more sincere numbers brings out the whiny quality in Hayden Panettiere's voice, no matter how good the song is. Offstage, however, Rayna seems kind of impressed. Watty notes that it's weird to see Deacon out there playing with someone else, and Connie Britton waits a beat, blinks about eight times, and gives a pretty perfect line delivery when she says, "Yes it is." The song ends, and both Juliette and Deacon look pretty impressed with the situation.

Oh boy, and then after a commercial break we see some rumpled sheets and pan up to a post-coital Teddy and Peggy. They totally DID IT. Probably through a hole in the sheet that was cut in the shape of Rayna's head, but still. In other news, Teddy has really large areolas for a dude who isn't on The Biggest Loser. Peggy says that she remembers what it's like to lay in his arms, and he notes that all that was a long time ago. And if you'll recall back in the episode when Rayna played at the country club for Teddy's fundraiser, we learned that he and Peggy dated back before he met Rayna.

For someone who just had her greatest hopes and dreams come true, Peggy looks awfully sad. She asks what they're doing, and Teddy says he doesn't know, but this is wrong. It is, however, the right song, about a liar and a cheater. And the best thing about this awkward hookup of Teddy and his stalker is that Rayna has free reign to go and bang Deacon! It's like a Christmas, birthday and Easter present all in one! And in case you were wondering, Peggy does not seem to have worn her beret all through their lovemaking.

Backstage in Chicago, Juliette heads into her dressing room triumphantly. Her assistant, Emily, congratulates her for her amazing performance, but Glenn is less than thrilled. It turns out there was a reviewer in the audience who live-Tweeted the whole song. Juliette thinks that this is good news, but it turns out that he had some rather critical things to say. And really, could Glenn not have waited until after the actual show to tell her this? And what strange stagecraft is it to go and sing one number, and then leave to do a whole costume change before your actual show begins? Especially when most of her fans are twelve and have to do their Algebra homework and get to bed? Juliette reads some of the Tweets aloud, and most of them deal with what a presumptuous twit she is to think she can be an artist. Glenn asks her to consult with him on big decisions while Emily tells her that she was really great, and Juliette screams at them to get out. Even her usual feel-better standby of yelling at underlings isn't working this time, though, and she starts to cry. Now she's going to be all stuffed up trying to sing "Telescope!"

Meanwhile, Rayna sits in the hotel lobby with Watty and says that she wants to go ahead and meet with Scarlett and Gunnar. She hasn't worked out her stuff with Deacon yet, but isn't going to let his broody scowling determine her career choices. Watty thinks it's all great. Rayna's show is greater than ever, Deacon's doing great with Juliette, great great great great great. He adds that Rayna and Deacon have been tied together for a long time, and putting some distance in between them (metaphorical distance, since they keep managing to get stuck in elevators together) is a good thing. Rayna agrees/lies that it's better for both of them.

Glen then hunts Deacon down at the hotel bar, where he's eating peanuts and drinking tap water. He gives him three kinds of hell for convincing Juliette that she should be more of an artist, adding that Deacon and Rayna might have been a package deal, but Juliette's a solo act. Deacon remains calm, telling Glenn that he was as surprised as anyone about the "Consider Me" ope

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