Ha! And then Peggy and Teddy have a clandestine meeting... by phone. He's walking along a bridge in the dark, while she sits in her car in some sort of desolate place. I thought the whole point of a shady phone call was that you could do it from anywhere? Teddy explains the situation with the photos, and says that he thinks Peggy should tell her husband what's going on. She seems disappointed when he reminds her that she can say with all honesty that there's nothing going on with them romantically. Peggy Kenter murder: still a good idea.
Back at the club, there is lots of awkward white-people dancing. Gunnar can't take his eyes off of Scarlett, who is having what he thinks is a little too much fun with her new dude. Hailey notes that this is the point of the whole evening, but Gunnar doesn't want Scarlett to do something she'll regret. Like have an enjoyable time once? And then the WORST THING HAPPENS. The band starts in with the music to "Ring of Fire," and Scarlett approaches the stage to say how much she loves this song. EVERYBODY loves this song. Pipe down, Blondie. But because this is Scarlett, the lead singer of the band says, "Come on up here, pretty girl." People are always just throwing jobs and lead vocal opportunities her way! How magical it is to be her! Scarlett bumbles up on stage in her usual, "Who aw shucks li'l ole me?" way, and grabs the microphone. And what happens from there is only slightly worse than this. Objectively, I think that Scarlett has the best voice of the female leads, but this is not her jam. It's like Bieber singing "Folsom Prison Blues." No. Nyet. Nein. It's not "Ring of Glowing Votive Candles," nor "Ring of Fairy Dust." And she smiles so hard through the whole thing that she actually turns cross-eyed. If I were in that audience, I'd throw a casserole dish of pink macaroni directly at her head. Gunnar of course is totally charmed, because he is an idiot too. Hailey starts to be less of an idiot, and seems a little suspicious about precisely how charmed Gunnar appears to be.
Scarlett continues to flirt with her dude, who tells her that she had the whole bar in the palm of her hand. At first she's modest, but then she says, "I guess I did." It would be so great if the ghost of June Carter Cash rose from the grave and punched her in the throat right now. The dude then goes in for a kiss, and just as there is lip on lip contact Gunnar busts in because he is nothing if not a cockblocker extraordinaire. The dude walks off while apologizing for not knowing that Scarlett had a boyfriend. Gunnar is then totally hostile, telling Scarlett that she went MIA and then he found her hooking up with some guy she barely knows. She points out that she was trying to relax and let loose, and he says, "Well I didn't think you'd be that loose." Slut shaming! And she was totally not even being a slut! Hailey comes up to find Gunnar with his chastity belt all in a twist. She asks what's wrong, and Scarlett goes full-on feral mole as she spits out, "Tequila shots, random guys, jumping up on stage... I shouldn't have come." That sounds like a good night, right? What exactly is the problem, here? Scarlett runs off, and Hailey finally might be cognizant of the fact that she should get away from these weirdos posthaste.