In nothing-new news, Juliette still wants Deacon on her tour (and in her tour bus bed) something fierce. Because she's never heard that metaphor about the bird and the cage and how if it flies away it was never yours, she also wants him to sign an exclusive contract. For sex slavery. And bitchin' guitar solos. And sensitive folky songwriting. She gets him to come into the studio to record "Undermine," and then after sharing a little bit of her rough and tumble past, she gets him to bang her. She brings up the night at the Bluebird and how hurt she was that Deacon brought Rayna on stage to sing instead of her. She wants him to think of her in the same league as Rayna and, as you may have heard, wants him to go on tour with her. In his state of post-coital bliss, Deacon actually seems to be considering it.
Meanwhile, while he is in his sex haze, Deacon has no idea of all the drama that is happening with Juliette's MethMom! First she showed up at the label, demanding information as to Juliette's whereabouts and also probably her bank routing number. The label gave her $100 just to leave. Given her scary methy-ness, I probably would have kicked in an extra $50. Then she shows up at Juliette's gate and pretty much bugs Juliette to take her in since her partner in meth-ness left and took all of her alleged "money." She had to hitchhike all the way there and how she wound up on this show and not Law and Order: SVU is anybody's guess. Juliette tearfully turns her away and has security drag her off and by the time she gets back to the house puts on a big smile to have coffee with Deacon. The most scandalous aspect of this whole thing is that MethMom's name is Jolene! The mere association of angel-brought-to-earth Dolly Parton with any type of methface is unforgivable, and has brought my grade of this show down to an A-.
And then there's Rayna. She's feeling super weird around Deacon after their hot duet at the Bluebird, and is clearly reluctant to sing their more intimate songs for the tour. The person she should be feeling weird around, however, is Teddy, because they're now basically totally broke due to his shady business dealings and campaign costs. Bucky suggests that Rayna reconsider the tour with Juliette, and her accountant recommends borrowing money from Lamar, neither of which is very appealing for obvious reasons. Lamar nevertheless sends her a $500,000 check with all sorts of stipulations that would basically force her into retirement. She wonders why he's so intent on her giving up her career and eventually learns from her sister that their mom had a long-term affair with a singer-songwriter. So, Lamar's got a complex with music people. You'd think might have considered moving out of Nashville at some point. Rayna confronts him about this and tries to sympathize with his hurt, but Lamar just gives her grief about how she has the same disregard for marriage as her mother. In turn, Rayna points out that obvious fact that her mother probably cheated because Lamar is such a dick all the time. She refuses to take a penny from him.
In related news about Rayna's finances, Teddy goes to the credit union to try to get a loan against their house, but reconsiders when he learns that the credit union is being audited. The flashback to him burning those mysterious papers is implied. And Teddy and Rayna's girls sing a Juliette Barnes song at their talent show! They are so awesome that Rayna doesn't even mind the material.
Rayna finally has a really, really confusing talk with Deacon that seems to indicate A) she thinks she should let him go; B) she doesn't want to let him go; C) she might be letting him go anyway; D) or maybe not. Seriously, I have no idea and I watched it three times. He gets a weird look and leaves while she cries. Are they still going on tour together? What is even happening? You'd think this maybe-break-up would send Deacon running to Juliette, but instead he definitively turns down her exclusive contract. I think it's because he really doesn't want to be her boyfriend. Good call, and he hasn't even met the in-laws yet!
And speaking of the in-laws, Jolene (Jolene, Jolene, Jolene) got picked up downtown by the bus depot (of course) with some oxy (of course). Juliette's manager points out that she'll be easier to handle in Juliette's house than out on the street, so she moves in. This plus the Deacon rejection drives Juliette to go to the store and buy a bunch of chips and cheese in a jar. While she's there, she decides to shoplift some nail polish, in full view of fans with their video-enabled smart phones. So, that should go well.
And in the obligatory Gunnar and Scarlett subplot, they head to the recording studio with Watty and Scarlett totally chokes. Watty suggests finding another woman to sing on the demo. Gunnar imparts this information to Avery and says that Scarlett's fears that Avery will leave her if she is successful might be to blame. And THEN Avery becomes a good boyfriend for a minute, encouraging Scarlett and saying that he'd be happy to go to the studio and support her as she records. But it turns out he secretly just wants to network with Watty White! Smart kid.
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Previously: Watty came up with the idea for Rayna and Deacon to do an intimate duo tour, which everyone but Teddy thought was brilliant. He also offered to cut a demo for Scarlett and Gunnar, tentatively titled, "Songs from Giant Cheekbone Holler." Juliette wanted Deacon to both tour and sex with her, but found herself quite frustrated by the fact that he's still so hung up on Rayna. And then everyone's feelings about everything went into overdrive when Rayna and Deacon sang a steamy number at the Bluebird and even engaged in a little bit of hand-holding. Hand-holding is the gateway drug to rekindled romance!
We enter with a little toe-tapping number known as "Telescope" by Juliette Barnes. Whatever, people, that is a good song! Juliette's wrapping up a photo shoot, and her smile soon fades as she gets to engage in her true passion -- berating her manager. She asks what's happening with getting Deacon on her tour. Um, she might want to, say, try asking while she's blowing him. Just a thought! The manager -- whose name I finally have learned is Glenn -- says that Deacon and Rayna all but launched their tour at the Bluebird, and it's not going to happen. But Juliette wants him. And not only does she want him, she wants him under contract. And not only does she want him under contract, she wants him under exclusive contract. Wow, what a great way to get a boyfriend! Glenn says he'll make the offer.
But! Glenn has other important business to discuss. Juliette's regrettable MethMom showed up at the label looking for Juliette's address and phone number. Nobody gave her any information, but they did give her $100 to leave. Juliette is furious enough to get out of her chair and says that her mother is a drug addict, and no one can give her anything. EVER. Juliette reminds Glenn that he is her manager, and now has a few things to manage. I have a feeling that one of those things should be "expectations."
We then cut to Rayna's mansion, where Rayna is making breakfast for the kids. She yells at Maddie -- who is in fact the older one and possibly Deacon's love child -- that her breakfast is getting cold. Little Daphne points out that it's yogurt, and thus is supposed to be cold, and Rayna is forced to make the correction that Maddie's breakfast is getting warm. As Teddy talks about not being able to find his horseshoe tie for his meeting with someone named Joe, Maddie rushes down in a panic about not being able to figure out what to wear for the school talent show. Daphne sasses that she told Maddie not to waste her allowance on jeggings. I think she's maybe the Milania of this show. Maddie wants to go to the mall, since a seventh grader (whose name I think is also Rayna?) told her to stop dressing like a sixth grader. In seventh grade, apparently, you show belly and side boob. Rayna asks what the hell she just said, and Daphne pipes up with, "That's a dollar!" This is like the cutest family scene of all time. In any case, it's time for school, and as Teddy opens the fridge door we see that there is an enormous whole watermelon in there. Given Rayna's aptitude in the kitchen, I fear for that watermelon.