Okay, people. It's just Bobby Jon and Steph now. It's probably their last opportunity to win something. Maybe they'll win the contest for fastest consumption of embryonic ducklings! Oh, no. Okay. Well, Tom beat them on that one, so Koror will take home the giant drum of fresh water. But how about the immunity challenge? Maybe they can beat Coby and Gregg! You know, at swimming, and thenâ¦oh, damn. Puzzles. Puzzles are the Kryptonite of Ulong! Damn. Yeah, so Ulong loses again, and they learn that when there are only two people left, rather than having a vote that would presumably be rather hopelessly deadlocked, there is a final challenge, and whoever loses will go home. Bobby Jon and Steph are thus sent to a climactic face-off involving the making of fire. Withâ¦with matches. Yeah, I'm not sure what the "challenge" part is either, really. Anyway, Steph rocks, as usual, and the lovely Bobby Jon has his torch snuffed. Ulong is thus down to a single soul. It happens to be its coolest soul, but still. Will Steph rally? Will there be a merge? Will Tom and Ian really return to their alliance with Steph that they were talking about way, way back when we first started this game? Well, we'll see. I actually care, which is sort of shocking.
Previously on How Much Worse Can It Get? Okay, Never Mind: Ulong was wee, wee, wee, all the way home from tribal council. Tom tangled with a shark and came out with all his fingers and toes, so it was a great night for seafood. The tribes built dueling SOS signals, and Ulong tried as hard as it could to look like it was in a dire emergency, but surprisingly, it could not accomplish even that. Koror took home a great big box of goodies. Ulong had yet another encounter with depression. The squeaky, hand-cranked, wheezing love of Gregg and Anonymous Jen made Tom twitchy. Ulong proved once again that it has never met a puzzle it couldn't confront with the opposite of a solution, and once again, it was sent to tribal council. Bobby Jon wasn't sure whether to stick with the ties that bind all Alabamans to each other, or to tie himself to the awesomeness that is Stephenie and hope for the best. Stephenie feared for her future, but when tribal council rolled around, it was indeed Ibrehem going home, leaving Bobby Jon and Stephenie as the only remaining members of Ulong. Poor Ibrehem. Truly, it has been a hard year for the pectorally enhanced studmuffins.
It is night, and the moon is full. On Night 18 at Ulong, after tribal council, things still feel grim. Bobby Jon blows on the fire that, as we all know, represents life. So you can sort of think of Bobby Jon as blowing on the pathetic little sparks of his life. The fire responds. Only Bobby Jon knows if his life will do likewise. Steph thanks Bobby Jon for keeping his word to her about their agreement, and he manages to grunt eight or nine syllables, some of which may or may not form words, none of which mean anything. To which Stephenie says, "I know." Probably wise. I mean, asking will only make it worse, really.
Steph tells us that she was very nervous heading out to tribal council, and figured she might be the one to take the boot. In the end, though, she notes that Bobby Jon kept his word to her and she edged through to this week. This glorious, wonderful week when things almost have to get better, right? Of course! There's nowhere for a tribe of two to go but up, right? There aren't any numbers smaller than two! Bobby Jon tells her, "You gotta learn that once I say something, it's over and it's done. Trust it." Unless it's something like "I will make short work of this cryptogram," in which case one is urged to exercise caution. It's nice the way Bobby Jon is always trying to be sincere, I think, even when he's sort of full of it. Bobby Jon now interviews that while he and Ibrehem had a "bond" and a "friendship," it is sometimes necessary in a game like this to "rule out feelings." Fortunately, it's not necessary for me. Which is why I can tell you that Bobby Jon is still as cute as a rubber duckie. Squeak, squeak! Bobby Jon explains that his thinking was ultimately that Steph had outperformed Ibrehem at the challenges, so he kept her on that basis: "I did what was best for the tribe." He looks rough, man. Not skinny, but a hell of a lot skinnier. He's got a little bit of the sunken-neck thing happening. Steph adds that she's happy they're both still there, and she says, "I'm still ready to bring home a victory!" Rock on, Steph. I'm totally ready to be the next Pope. She tells Bobby Jon she thinks they can do it, and he halfheartedly replies, "Yeah, I do, too," but he doesn't. And why should he? I mean, really. Steph interviews that three people was weird, and two is even weirder, but that she's "still ready to win." Oh, Stephie. We know you're mentally ready. She tells us that she and Bobby Jon "are the two people best for the job right now," and...man. Her energy, it is boundless. Her delusion, it is severe.