Newlyweds

Valentine's Day - Hustler Hollywood. Larry Flynt's porn store on the Sunset Strip. Jessica and cute assistant Casey go shopping for Valentine's Day. That's the shitty life of an assistant -- having to go shop for dildos and nipple clamps with your...

RECAPS, WEECAPS, AND MORE

Latest Episode

2-10
Recap

VD

Valentine's Day - Jessica distracts Nick for the day by renting him a Ferrari, so she can get the house ready for a special sexless Valentine's Day dinner.

03.23.2004 C

Stee

Ep.

Title

Air/Pub'l

Grade

Author

2-9
Recap

Downhill

The Newlyweds Vacation - D & D hit the slopes of Mammoth with Drew and DrewWife. Snowboarding goes fine, aside from Jessica's falling down and constantly complaining, which seems to accompany any activity, snowbound or otherwise. But when Nick tries to ski, he throws a tantrum worthy of his wife. The only difference: when he throws a hissyfit, he's the one who has then to try to make her feel better about it.

03.16.2004
03.20.2004
C+

Stee

2-8
Recap

Breeders

Puppy Maddness - Nick wants a dog. The most beautiful Husky puppies come to visit from a rescue place. Jessica thinks they're too big. They visit a shyster Maltese breeder with snotty little sweater dogs, who overcharges and generally acts terrible. Nick grows a pair and tells Jessica no on the Maltese, just as she shot him down on the Huskies.

03.09.2004
03.12.2004
C

Stee

2-7
Recap

The Sausage Queen of New York

Jessica's "Dessert" - Jessica Froman and her mother have a long conversation about sausages. And rampant rumors lead the most suggestible idiot in the village to take a pregnancy test.

03.02.2004
03.05.2004
C-

Heathen

2-6
Recap

The One-Year Itch

A Newlyweds Christmas - Christmas. Jessica. Drunk. Mean. Nick. Cincinnati. Dog. Anal glands. Pie. Texas. Singing. Presents. Sad Nick. Happy Jessica.

02.24.2004
02.27.2004
C+

Stee

2-5
Recap

Nick and Jessica's "World" "Tour"

The Duet - The lie on which reality television is built is the notion that watching extraordinary people -- the rich, the famous, the disproportionately stupid -- do ordinary things is endlessly fascinating. Here, we get Nick and Jessica selecting and recording tracks for their duets album, going on tour, and just generally standing near each other being annoying; separate but together.

02.17.2004
02.20.2004
C+

Stee

2-4
Recap

Scott Foley, Make Room

The French Language - It's all about Jessica, as Creepy Pa Simpson/MTV's campaign to remind Nick who the real star is kicks into high gear as Jessica gets all the lines in a VH1 sketch. Then Nick has to endure a cold, lame Thanksgiving day parade in Detroit, during which everyone asks only where Jessica is. And to top it off, he gets cut out of a commercial that was supposed to star the two of them. The countdown to divorce ticks on.

02.10.2004
02.13.2004
C

Stee

2-3
Recap

I'll Have The Coffee

The Newlyweds Shop - Jessica reminds us why she is class personified when she discusses the sexual term "teabagging" with MamaSimpson. Meanwhile, Nick and his buddies rent a forklift to hoist the new videogames into the second-floor game room, or, Nick's Panic Room. (Panic that his career is over.)

02.03.2004
02.07.2004
C+

Stee

2-2
Recap

Blung

Nick's 30th B-Day - Jessica does a whirlwind world tour.of New York and Dallas, leaving Nick and Drew home to stand around being made to look bored and pointless by the whims of the Crack MTV Editing Squad, or "The Mole People," as they're sometimes known due to their aversion to sunlight and love of "wipe" jokes. Nick turns 30, and Jessica celebrates by dancing in front of all their friends in her panties, ordering him a cake shaped as a bottle of beer, and giving him a pimp watch worth more than her implants.

01.27.2004
01.31.2004
C+

Stee

2-1
Recap

Sucktoberfest

The Anniversary - Dumb and Dumberer travel to Atlantic City to celebrate their anniversary -- and for one of Jessica's "concerts." The kids engage in room-service-ordering, old people making-fun-of, and craps-losing. They salvage the big day by heading back to Manhattan for a dinner at Tavern on the Green, where they annoy everyone around them.

01.20.2004
01.25.2004
C-

Stee

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