Back. Sunset Blvd. Driving. Jessica says that she'd like a small dog she can tote around with her, and now that they're home for a while it'll be nice to have a dog -- much nicer than having a baby, right now. What? As if when she has a baby she'll be the one to take care of it for a single second. Nick asks if Jessica wants a small dog who acts like a priss. Jessica says she likes cute dogs. Nick says big dogs are cute too. Jessica says that they have "big poop." So does she, but he's not kicking her out. She says she'd rather pick up a little pebble than a big turd. She says, "I just can't see myself picking up a big turd." Nick responds, "I can't see you picking up anything." Ooooooooh! Burn! She gives him the stink-eye.
They arrive in the middle of nowhere at some crappy little apartment, where a creepy guy named Doug sits with his daughters and their shitty little Maltese mop dogs. Inside his sad, tacky little apartment, Doug asks what they thought of the Huskies. Doug immediately says, "They're Eskimo dogs. They shed. Malteses don't shed." Dick. What a dick. Jessica has the nerve to agree with him, as they watch this tiny little dog in a leopard print sweater act a fool. Doug says he has a seven-month-old he was going to show, but it didn't get big enough, and some puppies as well. I think breeders are so sleazy. One of Doug's poor daughters brings in the seven-month-old, and Jessica squeals, and Doug says, "It's not a Husky," and they all laugh at that. Jessica says she wants to put bows in her hair, and Doug says, "You can put bows in her hair. We do." I'm sure Doug puts lots of stuff in his dogs' hair. They pan to Nick, rubbing his face. Ha. Jessica says this is the cutest puppy she's ever seen. Nick asks how much they are, and Doug says that the little boy is $2000 and the girl is $2500. Holy shit! That's ridiculous. "You would make me so happy!" says Jessica, holding up the dog. No, Jessica, nothing would make you happy. That's the function of being a spoiled brat. You are only happy momentarily, while all eyes are on you and you're getting your way and getting a reaction out of people. That's all you love -- camaraderie. Also, the Huskies made Nick incredibly happy, and Jessica laughed at him. Jessica says something, and Nick says, "No." Nick asks the names and Doug says, I hope kidding -- and even then it's not a very good joke -- that they're named "Tuition" and "Mortgage." Doug goes on to say they don't shed and get a whole new coat all the time, "like, say, a Husky or a lab." I would punch Doug in the face. Nick grits his teeth. "Are we doing this?" asks Doug, as Nick gets up and starts to leave. Nick says he'll call him in, like, ten minutes.
So outside, they're all standing around, as well as Doug and his scared daughters, who are holding up little signs that say, "Help. Take us with you!" Nick says it would be a good exercise in responsibility for Jessica. She looks offended. He "dares" her to get the dog, and says if she wants to do it, he'll be totally behind her. She goes on that she wants him to want the dog and love the dog. He says it's not like getting a kid. Jessica then says that he talked so down on Malteses and she would feel bad if they ended up getting one. And Nick then -- using all the courage in the world, God love him -- says, "Well, good. I don't want to make you feel bad. Let's go," and he gets into the car. Ha! Jessica groans, and she and her friends get in the car. They watch Doug and crew standing around. Nick, because he's a good guy, gives Jessica one more chance, but she's sure, and Nick hauls ass out of there. Doug takes his kids inside and beats the dogs for not making the sale, forcing his daughters to watch. (Kidding! Don't sue me.)