The stretch Hummer finds the back entrance. Green room. Jessica complains that her shoes make her feet wet. How? Are they water shoes? Jessica then bitches about how her pedicure is already fucked up and she spent fifty dollars on it just this morning. Nick says they're going back there to get a refund. I don't think he's kidding. Jessica puts napkins in her shoes. Gross.
Walking backstage. Jessica's shoes hurt. The Jingle Ball concert. I guess every city has one. I hate the radio business. They find a weird drawing of them on the concert poster. Jessica notes that her boob is way up near her chin, and Nick says he looks like a boxer who just got whipped in the ring.
Concert hall. Nick carries Jessica onstage. "Wassup, Dallas!"
Hotel. Snow. Jessica asks where they are now. "Providence, Rhode Island," Nick says. Jessica complains that she's tired of putting makeup on and trying to look good. Nick asks if his shirt looks cheesy and Jessica brats, "Nick, give it a rest." Whoa. He makes the sound of a henpecked husband, and she then bitches that she never asks him how her outfits look. Poor Jessica sighs, exhausted. It's draining being so dumb.
Green room. Jessica sings a weird scale and then giggles that she's warmed up. She tells Nick she loves him. She says she's not in a bad mood anymore and that she loved him even when she was, she just doesn't always show it. Nick says she should show it more. "It's better that way." Jessica claims she was in a bad mood because she'd rather be in a mall and shop. Don't worry, Jessica. You'll get your wish soon -- soon you won't have to perform anywhere ever again.
Plane. Denver. Hotel. Elevators. Nick dances, wearing a blue J. Lo. sweat suit. He looks like a moron. Nick dances and Jessica totally disses him, calling him a Smurf. "Just don't do that," she says. Then for good measure she tells him, "It's horrible." Nick then asks how he can look like a Smurf when she picked the outfit out. She says that he looks like a cute Smurf. He counters that all Smurfs are cute. Then she says she was scared of the bad guy on the show, and makes a "Rat-tat-tat tat-tat-tat tat-tat-tat-tat" noise, but then realizes that was from Strawberry Shortcake.
Hotel room. It's a tiny room they got. Ha. It really is. So sad. Downgraded already. Jessica looks around for food, saying, "Rat-tat-tat tat-tat-tat tat-tat-tat-tat." Nick channel-surfs as Jessica says the bed is small and she's going to be on top of him. "Sounds good," Nick says. Jessica says she's sleepy. Nick says they have pots and pans in the little kitchen and she can cook if she wants to. They leave to get something to eat, and Jessica sneezes. She wonders if it's true that your heart stops when you sneeze. They have an awkward conversation, and it's so apparent they're trying to find the funny, trying to find the scene, but there is none, so they just stare at each other until the elevator comes. It's like watching really bad improv comedy, with totally untrained performers with no natural comedic abilities. Like watching SNL.