Newlyweds
The Newlyweds Shop

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I'll Have The Coffee

House. Day. Nick camera-talks that he's getting two videogames delivered for his game room, and that the doorways are too narrow, so the only way to get them upstairs is to lift them over the balcony. A forklift is delivered. The delivery guy tells Nick that he just drops it off. Nick asks for a quick lesson, because he doesn't know how to use it. The guy cryptically says, "That's all I do. I drop it off," which doesn't explain if he could tell Nick but he doesn't want to, or he doesn't know how to do anything but drive it forward. Forklift delivery guys aren't what they used to be, I'll tell you what. A crow squawks.

Shop. Jessica holds up a thong, saying that she loves them. Her mom says that she can teabag in those. Jessica has balls? I knew Xtina and Pink weren't the only ones. Montage of clothes shopping. Nothing to even write down, except MamaSimpson says "nipples."

House. The games arrive. Drew tries to get out of lifting anything heavy. Nick gets onto the forklift. Shot of a crow, and also, cryptically, of a dove.

Store. The Boys With Avids draw out the shot of the receipt printing out with shots of the dog and the mom and the Jessica. The total is about $3,000. Yikes! Commercials.

Forklift. Nick can't get it started. Shot of pigeons on a wire. Okay, now they're pushing it. Drew and friends make suggestions. Finally, Nick is reminded that he has to put the brakes on, and it starts. All the pigeons fly away. Okay. Nick tries to get it going, and people makes suggestions, and it goes on and on. Finally, Nick takes his foot off the clutch and it stalls out. Someone asks where Jessica is. Nick responds that she's out spending money somewhere. A crow flies. Drew looks at it. Pushing significance of non-signifying element to breaking point.

La Brea or Beverly Blvd. or wherever these stores are. MamaSimpson decides that they should put some outfits together. Montage of shopping. Seriously. Ten shots of someone saying "These are great" and "I like 'em" and then "How much are these?" MamaSimpson makes sure tht Jessica gets a celebrity discount, and then they head to the next spot. It's a toss-up as to which I hate more: watching people shopping on TV, or actually shopping. I'll have to think on that.

House. Nick and his brother get the first videogame strapped onto the lifty thing and up over the railing. Nick and his boys lift it off and down onto the balcony. Nick says, "Hey, I can always drive a forklift," being surprisingly cheery about the end of his short singing career. A song plays as the Montage Of Videogame Lifting continues. They lift up the second game. Set up the Golden Tee 2004. Ah, another toss-up. Which I hate more: playing golf, or playing golf videogames. (No, actually, after a few beers, it's a fun videogame. But what turns me off about the game is the four drunk frat boys who always seem to be crowded around the thing no matter what bar you go to, slapping the shit out of the track ball and yelling at each other. Those guys I can do without. You'll never see them huddled around Missile Command.) The videogame guy gets the machine hooked up, and Nick thanks them all, saying that this may be the catalyst for his divorce. Nick is very pleased. Later, Nick is putting the sliding door back on when a murder of crows flies by. They really are sort of freaky -- we have them around here. "What is up with these fucking crows?" Nick asks.

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Newlyweds

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